Natasha Blakely: Breaking The Cycle Of Incarceration’s Impact On Families And Youth

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Natasha Blakely, Training and Engagement Specialist at Project Avary, to explore the impact of incarceration on children and families. Natasha shares her personal journey and the purpose that drives her work supporting youth with incarcerated parents. If you’re looking to understand the deeper effects of prison beyond the sentence—and how compassion, mentorship, and community can change lives—this conversation is a must-listen. Whether you’re a caregiver, educator, advocate, or someone impacted by incarceration, you’ll find inspiration and insight in Natasha’s story and the mission of Project Avary.

(Season 5 intro courtesy of Matt Duhamel. Music by Halim Aly-hassan and Matt Bowman)

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Listen to the podcast here

Natasha Blakely: Breaking The Cycle Of Incarceration’s Impact On Families And Youth

Welcome to the show, where we bring you powerful stories and voices from those who are making a difference in the lives of families affected by incarceration. I’m the author of The Prison: The Hidden Sentence: What to Do When Your Loved One is Arrested and Incarcerated. This can be purchased on Amazon. I’m honored to introduce Natasha Blakely, a passionate advocate, educator, and training and engagement specialist at Project Avary. Project Avary provides long-term support, leadership development, and community for children with incarcerated parents. Their mission is to break the intergenerational cycle of incarceration through healing-centered practices, mentorship, and opportunities for the youth to thrive.

Natasha brings heart, experience, and a deep commitment to this work. She has dedicated her life to uplifting young people who often feel unseen and unheard. Her own journey, full of insight, growth, and purpose, led her to this role and continues to shape the way she connects with youth and their families. In this episode, we’re going to start by knowing about Natasha’s personal journey, how she got here, what drives her, and why this work matters so deeply to her and our communities. Let’s dive in.

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Welcome, Natasha. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. That was such a beautiful introduction. I’m excited to be here. I’m a huge fan of this show.

From Personal Struggle To Purpose: Natasha’s ‘Why’

Thank you. Every word was true about you and all the work that you’re doing. Before we get into the incredible work you’re doing with Project Avary, I’d like to start with you. What inspired you to step into this work? What’s your deeper why behind it?

Right before the pandemic, I went through a major surgery. During that surgery, I was a business owner. I lost my pet, I lost my business, and I was looking for how to pivot. It was one of the darkest times. I felt like I lost so much so fast, and we were in the midst of a pandemic. For me, it’s very important that I have work that feeds my soul. It’s not just about a paycheck for me. I want to do work that matters.

I came across the job with Project Avary, and it resonated so much with me. I never thought about how much my father’s incarceration impacted me personally until I saw this job. I talked to my dad, and it opened up a conversation for us to talk about his incarceration, how it impacted him, and also how it impacted me. There’s this stigma of incarceration, so we don’t talk about it openly and honestly. It was the first time in my entire life that I sat down and had a real conversation with my dad about that.

Sharing our personal stories and lived experience is a huge part of what we do at Project Avary. Share on X

That conversation is where my healing began. I started off as a counselor with Project Avary in our online program and grew from there. This work is so dear to my heart because it’s important to me. I’ve always wanted to be the person I needed as a youth. I feel like Project Avary gives me the opportunity to do that and pour into my community.

Unpacking Childhood Trauma: Natasha’s Journey Of Parental Incarceration

Thank you for sharing. Would you mind sharing a little bit about your youth?

Project Avary is an organization that’s dedicated to supporting youth who have had or currently have a parent who has been in jail or prison, arrested, or detained by ICE or immigration. Our youth are so resilient. We serve youths from ages 8 up to 25, who are considered transitional-aged youth, from 18 to 25, but even as young as 8. I feel like we all carry our eight-year-old selves with us through life.

What was it like when you were a youth or when you were going through it? Before you talk about the youth that you’ve met, what brought you here? What was it that you went through that helps you relate to these youths?

When I was four years old, my dad was arrested in front of me. He had made a lot of bad decisions. Even as young as four years old, I could recognize that these decisions were not right. My mom ended up relocating without telling my dad where we were. My dad did want to be an active father because he never had an active father in his life. It was important for him to be present, but he wasn’t doing it in the right way at that time.

By this freak accident, we were outside of our apartment, and my dad happened to drive by and see us in our new home. An argument ensued, but it got so loud that the neighbors started coming out. Eventually, someone ends up calling the police. I remember at that time, my dad’s last words to the police officers were, “Are you going to arrest me in front of my kids?” It was my little sister, who was two years old, and I. My sister was too young to remember that day. Those were the last words I heard from my dad for another four years.

I saw him again for the first time when I was eight. I remember that whole time not having anyone to talk to, not even my sister, because she wasn’t old enough to understand or comprehend. I was feeling alone, ashamed because of that stigma, and suffering in silence. When I saw my dad again, I was eight at this time. I remember feeling like he didn’t have the right to be called my father because he wasn’t present. When I saw him, I stuck out my hand and called him by his first name. I could visibly see his heartbreak.

From that day forward, he worked hard to be a part of my life and to restore our relationship. He had suffered from drug addiction, but he was able to clean up his life and turn his life around before we were reunited. Now, my dad is one of my best friends, and I’m grateful for the relationship that we have. I’m also grateful for that dedication and the hard work that he put in because I wasn’t willing to do it at that time. He fought for me, and so I fight for these kids and where they are in the spaces today to help them move forward for better tomorrows.

The Power Of Shared Stories: Relatability And Empathy

You’ve shared so much. You shared about the conversation that you started with your dad, and that you finally had that conversation with him. Now, you’re saying he’s your best friend. You shared everything you went through when you were a youth and didn’t have anybody there. I wanted to set the table because it shows what you’ve been through, that you understand, and that you want to give back. You want to give to these youth what you didn’t have. You have the experience. Do you find it easier to relate to them? Do you share your story with them?

A huge part of what we do at Project Avary is sharing our personal stories and lived experiences. Eighty percent of the staff who work at Project Avary have a direct impact of parental incarceration. We have been in their shoes before. That’s important for them to be able to take in what you’re saying. Credible messengers are essential to reaching out to youth who face adverse challenges. For me, the experience that I had has helped me to be able to relate to these youth because I lived through very similar circumstances. Each of our stories is different, but we all share what we call a common bond at Project Avary of having a parental incarceration experience.

It takes having experienced something to understand something. They say empathy is walking in somebody else’s shoes, but you can only take your experiences that you’ve had and relate to them. That’s where the empathy comes from. Do you have any stories of anybody that you specifically helped or a youth who has thrived in your program?

There are so many different stories of youth that are thriving in our program due to consistent support. They come in as young as eight, and they’re still there are eighteen and beyond because of that impact. One thing that we respect in Project Avary is having a sacred space for them to be able to share in a non-judgmental zone. We don’t share their personal stories because we don’t believe that it’s our stories to tell.

Listening to the experiences of our youth helped me to learn a lot about myself. For me, a lot of the experiences that I had with parental incarceration were so far removed because they happened a while back. Hearing their experiences in real-time that are happening in their lives right now helped me to learn about myself and why I am the way that I am, and to have a better understanding of myself. I feel like they are unsung heroes. We are seeing them pour into each other.

At Project Avary, we have what’s called a leadership model, where the youth can step up and get paid to be a leader and be able to help others. In that leadership model, even as young as 8 or 9 years old, they’re considered a leader in the program. They’re helping the new youth who come in, welcoming them. I feel like that’s the story that needs to be told. Seeing them continue to go on to college and beyond, or whether they’re staying with Project Avary or moving on to be doctors or lawyers, what I have seen over the years is a beautiful experience.

Sometimes, we get so stuck in the past that we're unable to push forward. Share on X

Breaking The Cycle: Project Avary’s Impact And Programs

It’s so important for the youth to have these skills in leadership. It sounds so wonderful that you’ve seen so many of them thrive. Many move forward. Many become successful in life. We know that the youth who do have an incarcerated family member are more likely to get in trouble themselves, so programs like this, Prison Families Alliance, and other groups that are out there are so important. You guys have a camp, which is in the Bay Area in California. I know you’re online, too, but let’s talk about your in-person stuff.

Our program started back in 1999 due to so many being observed going to prison, visiting their incarcerated loved ones over the years, and then ending up in prison themselves. They want to break the cycle of parental incarceration because it is a national crisis. It’s the second-greatest public health issue in the United States for children.

It started off as an in-person camp that happened once a year. We’ve grown from there. We serve kids all over Northern California. In addition to summer camp, we have monthly retreats that happen overnight. We call them adventure retreats, where they do things like surfing, skiing, rock climbing, boogie boarding, horseback riding, and water rafting.

Purposefully, they’re challenging adventures because we face those challenges together and help them to learn to overcome adversity. Also, we’re helping them to help others to step up, and they can step back. That’s part of that leadership development. Both in our online and in-person programs, that leadership development piece is essential. At our core, we are a youth and leadership development program. Also, we focus on real talk. This is a space for them to be able to share their experiences with parental incarceration in front of a campfire in person.

That sounds wonderful. My question is, does the youth have to live in Northern California, or can the youth come in from other states?

That’s a great question. Usually, what we find is that many youth in our program, because they are affected by parental incarceration, don’t necessarily have the income to be able to travel from other states to pay to be able to come here. That in-person program usually serves those in the greater Northern California area.

However, we have the goal of bringing our program to other areas in other states. That’s where our online program comes in. Through the online program, they are introduced to our programming. We have an amazing online program that takes place 1 day a week, 1 hour a week, in 6-week sessions throughout the year. Our goal is to be able to branch out and have an in-person program in that area, too, once we grow a number of youth in the area. The best way for the youth to be able to join our program is by starting in the online program.

You were saying earlier that there’s one coming up in August 2025. If anybody wants to sign up online, that’s for anybody across the United States.

That’s right. Our next session is starting up in August.

It’s August 18th, I think. People can find you at ProjectAvary.org. It sounds like a wonderful program. I know that the youth need that. You’ve shared a lot about your upbringing and what you’ve been through when your dad was incarcerated. We were talking before, and you were talking about a lot of things that you went through with your mom. Do you want to share some of that?

I feel like, as a youth, because I didn’t have my father there, my mom took on a lot, caring for me and my two younger siblings. I had misplaced anger that I placed on her for what we didn’t have. We didn’t have the money to be able to go on trips or do certain things. I started working at a young age. I started working at fourteen years old, but it wasn’t money that I got to keep. That was money I had to use to help keep the lights on, pay the water bill, to survive, and help take care of my brothers and sisters. I was resentful of that because I saw other kids at work, and they got to keep their money or go places and do things.

I recognized that my mom did the best she could with the circumstances she had at the time. I love my mom, and I’m thankful for everything that she did for me. Being a woman now and seeing what it takes to parent and care for kids, I couldn’t imagine doing that by myself. All the sacrifices that she made for us, I’m appreciative of that.

Healing Through Conversation: Rebuilding Family Bonds

That sounds so wonderful. You have a relationship with your mother. You have a relationship with your father. Share with people who are tuning in, because there are some people who are still working on that relationship. What are some things that you could share with them? Going back, that was so powerful in the very beginning when you talked about the conversation with your dad. That’s the first step. However, what are some things that you can share that might help others?

I heard a saying from one of my coworkers. He said, “Hurt people hurt people. Healing people heal people.” It’s so important for us to be able to heal and move forward. There’s not much we can do about what happened in the past, but we can focus on who we are today, where we are today, and how we can grow from here. Sometimes, we get so stuck in the past that we’re not able to move or push forward, but it’s important to do that. I feel like anything worth having is worth fighting for. Having that relationship with my mom and my dad was worth the fight.

For anybody that’s out there, if you want something, have that conversation. It sounds like when you had that conversation, they were also engaged. I hear of people who want to have that conversation, and sometimes, it doesn’t go well. I’m happy for you that that did work out. Sometimes, you go to talk to somebody, and they’re not ready. You have to find the time when they are ready. Don’t give up hope. There’s always hope that things will work out and that you can have that relationship.

Strong caregivers build strong families. Share on X

I agree. Lead with love. Sometimes, we go into these difficult conversations with these strong feelings, which is fine, but what is our intention for having the meeting? Is it because we want to love each other through it, because we want to move forward? Are we going to listen to understand? Going in with an open mind and an open heart is also important.

Come from love. It’s hard. A lot of times, we’re in our heads. You have to take a minute, go into your heart, and breathe. It’s the same as when you are talking to a loved one. I’m digressing a little bit. When your loved one who is incarcerated calls you, you need to take that breath, release everything that’s in your head, and go into your heart to have that heartfelt conversation. You’re going to be talking about your youth. If there are children, you’re going to be talking about coming home, about re-entry, and about different things.

Being a caregiver is important, too. We’ve had some conversations about that. The caregivers could be the parent who is not incarcerated, whether it be the mother or the father. It could be an aunt or an uncle. It could be a grandparent. It could be somebody who is taking care of the youth while a family member is incarcerated.

For so long, our program has been dedicated to serving the youth. There are so many programs for caregivers to get the help and support that they need, or for the incarcerated themselves to be able to get the help and support that they need. We realized the importance of including caregivers because strong caregivers are going to help build strong families. At the end of the day, those strong families benefit our youth, which is who we serve.

One thing that we do every year is we have a family camp. This is where the parents can come in with the youth and enjoy our space. We have a family potluck, which is a one-day barbecue at the park. We also have our caregiver online support groups. These happen once a month, where different caregivers can build their community, network, support each other, and talk about ways to be better or stronger support for their youth and their struggles. I’m excited about that new initiative that we have. I know we’re looking at ways that we can partner with other organizations to be a support for families, or even referring to other families that add other services that we may not provide.

Thank you for sharing that. Those are for the caregivers of the youth who are in the Project Avary Program. It’s so important to have a strong family. I speak to grandparents. They’re like, “I’m ready to retire, and now I’m raising babies.” They love their grandchildren. It’s not that they don’t want to. It’s just that they’re at a different part in their lives, and their lives have changed.

Having that support is so important. I know that at Prison Families Alliance, with the support groups that are provided, that’s something that we’ve spoken about, too. We’re going to talk about collaborating in the future and supporting each other because there are so many families out there and so many people who feel alone.

Programs like Project Avary are amazing for the youth. You’re creating the next generation’s leaders. That’s so important. You’re creating people with more compassion and empathy. These youth, as they grow, become leaders and go out into the world, are going to be coming from the heart. They’re going to be coming from compassion.

They’re not going to have judgment of other people because they’re going to understand that everybody has gone through something. Thank you so much for sharing about Project Avary and everything that you’re doing for the youth and on your journey. You are beautiful, taking what you’ve been through and helping others.

Thank you for the work that you’re doing at Prison Families Alliance. We look forward to opportunities to be able to collaborate with you because it takes a village. We need each other. We need to support each other.

What’s Next? Expanding Reach And Fostering Healing

I agree. In our show, we’re talking to people and getting the word out. Let’s talk more about what’s next. What’s next for Natasha? What’s next for Project Avary?

One of the things that we’re working on at Project Avary is more public speaking opportunities and more collaborations with other orgs. If there are orgs that would like to serve youth, or maybe they serve caregivers, we would love to get together and see some ways that we can do better at collaborating with those that are doing similar work who have boots on the ground.

We’re looking to do more speaking on the topic in general and raise awareness of it. I don’t think that people realize that over ten million children are impacted by parental incarceration right at this moment, and that’s a growing number. Having a larger footprint in that way, continuing to serve more youth, going out and serving youth in other states, and having those in-person camps in those locations is very exciting for us. We know that it’s something that will take a little bit of time to establish, but we’re up for that. We’re excited for that initiative.

Let’s do something here in Vegas.

That’s close. We could see that happening. We could probably drive out there. We usually include transportation for the youth who are in the Greater Bay Area. We have pickup locations. We take them to and from our retreat destinations.

Over 10 million children are impacted by parental incarceration. Share on X

That would be wonderful. We have a youth art program. We’re working with the youth so that they can do art and talk. It’s also an emotional release. We’ll share information about Project Avary with them. We’d love to do a campout here.

We’ll have to talk more about that.

Give us a shout-out. To anybody who is interested, reach out and contact PrisonTheHiddenSentence.com. Would they contact you through your website, or do you have an email that you use?

If they want to reach out to me directly, you can email me at Natasha@ProjectAvary.org. You can also reach us through the website, ProjectAvary.org.

You’ve shared a lot of great information. You put some statistics out there. I don’t think people realize how many youth are affected and the programs that are out there for youth that are helpful. I don’t know if the schools address a lot of what’s going on with the youth affected. You probably know this better than I do, but I’ve read that children with an incarcerated family member or an incarcerated parent are one of the top ACEs.

There are ten ACEs that adversely affect youth. When they have a parent who has been to jail or prison, they usually have more than one ACE under their belt because of the nature of incarceration. It could be mental health issues or a single-parent home. There are so many different things. When you have three, four, or more ACEs, you’re more likely to get cancer. You’re more likely to go to jail or prison. You’re more likely to be a victim.

This is a group that affects multiple ACEs. It is important to pay attention to those youth who have a parent who is incarcerated because they suffer in silence due to that stigma. It’s a cultural stigma where we say, “Don’t share what’s going on in the family. You don’t talk about that.” They internalize that and blame themselves oftentimes for crimes they never committed.

It’s important that people understand that, even people out there who deal with youth and ACEs. Look at you. You probably have experienced several of them. You’re proof that you can thrive, that you can be successful, and why this work, why the support, and why these programs are so important to the youth. One of the things that you did mention is that there’s a lot of youth out there who are impacted by ICE. You were saying that your program also supports those youth. Do you want to talk about that a little bit?

Thanks for asking that. Any youth who is impacted by the carceral system, whether it is ICE detention, jail, or prison, would be eligible to join our program as long as they are aware of the arrest itself, and they are a minimum of eight years old, because they need to be mature enough to talk about it. Especially in the times that we’re living in right now, it’s so important for us to mention that we do support children who have parents who have been arrested or detained by ICE.

Beyond Incarceration: Supporting Youth Impacted By The Carceral System

That’s so important. I don’t think a lot of people think about that and how the youth are affected. It’s important that people know about the national support circles and how they can reach you. We provided that information. Any last words for our families, our caregivers, and the people who are tuning in? What can caregivers do to support the youth? Let’s start with that.

Parental incarceration is a sensitive topic, not just for the youth but also for the caregiver. If you are the person who was in jail or prison, it may be hard for you to fathom the idea of your child talking about that topic, but it is helpful for them to be able to heal. Giving them that space and opportunity to share the things that are on their heart openly and honestly is critical for their growth, and also to be able to find support in others who have lived through similar circumstances. Many youth, because it’s not talked about enough, feel like they’re the only ones going through it. Even if they’re not talking personally, hearing others share their experience is naturally healing, knowing that they’re not alone.

Empowering Youth: Combating Stigma And Bullying

It’s important for the caregivers or for anybody affected by having a loved one in the carceral system to get support, whether it’s through Project Avary as a caregiver or through Prison Families Alliance for online support. It will help people learn how to talk about it and how to set boundaries when they can talk about it. One of the things that comes up a lot, too, is bullying among the youth. How do you guys address that? How can we help our caregivers and adults work with youth who might be bullied because they have an incarcerated parent? Do you have any suggestions?

We do have youth who have shared that they often are bullied because their mom or their dad isn’t around. That is where you speak life into them. You affirm them. You talk to them about the qualities that they have and the abilities that they possess. You talk to them about the bright future that they have because so many people are saying the opposite. People are saying, “You’re going to be like your dad. You are going to end up in jail.” Let them know that they can and will achieve their goals.

Also, educate them. One of the things that we do when we go to the schools is we get in front of that stigma of incarceration by talking about it openly and honestly. All of us know what it’s like to miss someone, whether it’s because of death, divorce, deportation, or incarceration. Talking about those things openly and helping them to see that common bond is important. As humans, we all have very similar emotions.

That’s so important. I’m so thrilled that you are going to schools because we need to get the word out to the people, the educators, the youth, and everything. That is so awesome that you’re doing that. Those words of wisdom you shared are so important. I want to thank you so much. Our time is about up. However, I want to open the floor. Are there any last words of wisdom you want to put out there for our audience?

Youth impacted by the carceral system—whether through ICE detention, jail, or prison—are eligible for our program, provided they are aware of their arrest. Share on X

I would encourage you to visit our website, ProjectAvary.org. We just touched the fringes. Look at the beautiful work that we’re doing with these kids. If you’d like to learn more, I am happy to answer questions. If you want us to come out and speak, we’d be happy to. Even if it’s community organizations or police officers, it’s helpful to know how to have a trauma-informed response when dealing with youth who have been impacted by the system of parental incarceration.

Thank you. I’m going to have you come out to one of the meetings for Prison Families Alliance and talk about it. We need people to know about this wonderful program that’s out there, working with the youth and working with the caregivers. You guys have put a wonderful program out there. I want to thank you so much. Thank you for your time. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for all that you’re doing. I look forward to staying in touch with you and getting the word out. If we can get to the ten million youth out there before they grow up, it’s a big, hairy goal, but let’s do it.

It’s a goal. Let’s do it. By working together, we can make it happen.

Amen. Thank you.

Thank you.

Important Links

• Project Avary
• Natasha@ProjectAvary.org
• Prison Families Alliance
• The Prison: The Hidden Sentence: What to Do When Your Loved One is Arrested and Incarcerated

About Natasha Blakely-Berteloot

Natasha obtained a degree in Education with a minor in Counseling. She served as an Executive Director for art education programming throughout the Central Valley for over 15 years. She is currently a Certified Professional Coach who has developed and facilitated sessions to help clients improve their patience, attention to detail, boost confidence and increase self-esteem.

Mental health and wellness has been a passion for Natasha since she grew up in a single-parent home and experienced firsthand the effects of having an incarcerated parent. As a child, she was strongly impacted by community, and enrichment programs for underserved youth, and from a young age made it a goal to give back to young ones in her community.

Today, Natasha is grateful to have the privilege of being a part of the Project Avary Community as a Training and Engagement Specialist. She is a trusted Public Speaker who has traveled across states to offer training and seminars on the impact of parental incarceration, and shares applicable resources to impacted communities.