Prison is often seen as an ending, but for Jonas Royster, the real transformation began after his release – when deep self-introspection led him to take ownership of his life and turn his lived experience into a powerful force for change. Joining Julia Lazareck, the award-winning author, leadership educator, and CEO of Hood Proverbz shares how reshaping his mindset allowed him to guide incarcerated people towards achieving probation success. He discusses how he built practical frameworks around self-leadership, personal responsibility, and emotional intelligence, giving him the chance to succeed after life behind bars. Jonas also opens up about the impact his journey had on his family and the role their love—and tough love—played in holding him accountable and supporting his growth. This conversation will challenge how you think about accountability, growth, and second chances—and leave you with insights you can apply to your own life.
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Listen to the podcast here
Prison To Purpose: Reentry, Probation Success & Self-Leadership With Jonas Royster
Welcome to the show where we raise awareness one story at a time. I’m here with Jonas Royster. Author, motivational speaker, and coach. Even though he’s living his dream, his journey did not start there. Growing up in San Diego, life was good. However, there was a turning point in Jonas’s life that put him in prison. Jonas is going to share his story about how he survived and thrived, and not only changed his life, but he has also changed other people’s lives for the better.
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Jonas. Thank you so much for joining me here. It was so nice to meet you at the Connecting for Justice Conference. I was so honored when you agreed to be on the show.
Julia, thank you. I appreciate it. It was nice meeting you. It’s an honor to be here as well. Thank you for having me.
Looking Back To Jonas’ Childhood, Gang Life, And Incarceration
This is going to be great. With the show, I always like to start at the beginning, so we can learn about your journey. Let us start with your childhood and how and why you were incarcerated. We will move on to your great work. Let us start at the beginning.
I appreciate it. My childhood was normal for me, growing up in San Diego. I was like an outlier amongst my friends. Most of my friends only had one parent in the household. However, I had both. My dad was in the Navy. My mom worked. I had a younger brother, but for a long period of my life, especially in my teenage years, that did not really mean much. Although I have both of them in the house, when I would watch The Cosby Show or The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and see this extended family, I would think, “Why do I not have that?”
All my other friends only had one parent in their house, but they had that extended family. They had aunts, uncles, cousins, and relatives. They had family reunions, as you would see in the movies. I wanted that. I always wondered, “Why did my parents not really introduce me to their family?” Because they never explained it and because I was not brave enough to ask that question at 12 or 13, I made up my own story. For years of my life, that was the story.
I was unlovable, I am a mistake, I am not worthy of love. What that made me do was search for it in all the wrong places. When I was 13, 14 years old, and starting to hang out with the kids in my neighborhood and become best friends, we used to call it the sandbox. These are my sandbox friends. We have known each other since the sandbox. Those friendships deepened, and it became more than friendships. It is like a family. They are my brothers, and their family is my family.
For a long period of time, I would risk my existence on not losing that family because that is all I ever wanted. I just wanted to be accepted, Julia. I did whatever. If my friends fight, I am jumping in. If they are doing something, I am there for them because that is my family. At the end of the day, that is my family. That is how I rolled for a long period of time in my life. I did not really get into much trouble as a youth. I did not get caught. I did not get caught for all the things that I was doing.
I ended up graduating from high school. I knew how to work the system. Shortly after that, by the time I was 23, I did not have a job, and I did not know what I was doing. I remember I was just chilling at my girlfriend’s house. I am sitting there, and one of my best friends gets a call from another friend, and he tells me they used to call me Sokold. That was my nickname in the streets. “Turn it to the news.” I turn to the news. As the news came on, there was a sheet lying in the middle of a parking lot.
Underneath the sheet as they zoomed in, because the sheet never covered the whole shoes, I saw these quarter-inch heels, and I knew whose shoes those were. It was my best friend, Melvin Patterson. He came to find out he was at the mall shopping with the mother of his daughter. He got into an argument with a young man in the mall.
They decided to go outside and fight. The young man had other thoughts and shot my friend in the face in front of the mother of his daughter in broad daylight at the mall. When I got wind of that and saw the body, I did what I think anybody in that realm of being a gang member, being loyal to his friends, his family, would do. Remember, I told you that is what I wanted. I felt that someone else had to feel that pain.
I could not even imagine seeing that. You just mentioned gang, which you did not do before. Your friends that you were talking about, was that where you got into a gang with?
It was. It was not like, “Let us all join a gang.” We did not raise our hands. It was more so that we all lived in the same condominiums or apartments. We all lived in these apartments. We all hung out together. We all played sports together. It began in the very beginning, at 12 or 13, it is our sports team against your sports team, our side. You would get those bickers, those arguments, maybe some shoving matches, and some fights. Different schools would come.
The guys would come to our school, try to talk to the girls that we liked, and vice versa. That is how they started to divide. Now you are representing an area of town versus another area in town. That is how it starts to go. It is not, at least for me. Some people have family members who are gang members, and that is all they know. They were born into this environment. I am a first-generation gang member, which is the stupidest thing to say.
Thank you for clarifying. It makes sense that you saw your friend there. What did you do? Your best friend.
I wanted to avenge his death. I got in the car, and a buddy of mine and I and a couple of us got into a car, and we were going to go make someone feel the pain that I just felt. I did not know the language then. I did not know “hurt people hurt people.” However, I just wanted someone else to feel what I was feeling. That being said, nothing happened. I ended up pulled over that night, unbeknownst to me.
Not my phone, but my friend’s phone, which was with me, was being tapped by the San Diego Police Department for a lot of gang activity, shootings, and things like that. We were all under investigation. One of the best things that happened was that they pulled us over. I did not go do what I wanted to do, but they released a lot of us. I found myself a year later, though, getting locked up for something else.
A year later, I get out of jail, and I go see my parole officer. They act like everything is okay. I go in, “Jonas, everything is good.” It is a day after Thanksgiving, 2003. They are like, “We will be in and out in five minutes.” I am like, “Cool, I want to get home to my mom.” I talked to them, and when I left their office, they arrested me. Four or five guys throw me against the wall, four on the back of my neck, head against the wall. They are like, “Mr. Royster, you are under arrest.”
I am like, “For what? I just got out of prison the day before. For what?” “For conspiracy to commit murder.” I am like, “Damn.” I ended up fighting that. That case right there, that time, that is PC 182, conspiracy to commit murder in California, plus a gang enhancement. I was facing a 25-year-to-life sentence at the age of 23 years old.
I was sad because I just saw my mom the day before, Julia. It was Thanksgiving Day, and she said, “Jonas, if you ever get locked back up, I am not writing you. Do not send me, I am not sending you a birthday card. I am not sending you any money. Do not act like I am around.” As anyone who has ever been locked up knows, you never think you are going back. “Mom, I am not going back. I promise you.” As I am fighting this case, my mom stayed true to everything she said.
My birthday passed while I was fighting the case. She did not write me, she did not come to any of my court dates, she did not do anything, and that hurt. That really did hurt. That also fed into love is only conditional. My mom only loves me when I am doing well. She does not love me when I am not doing well. I did not know how to process those emotions. Even before being arrested, I stuffed a lot of it. I wanted to numb myself with drugs and alcohol.
I would drink. That is how it all started, drinking. Drinking would numb the pain of everything I was feeling. Losing friends in the streets, being shot at, and choosing to do illegal things. That alcohol would give me the “Mr. Eff It” mentality. I do not have to worry about anything. The alcohol was not enough, and then it became cocaine. I started to sniff cocaine. Moments, I would do ecstasy, shrooms. I have tried PCP, I have done Percocets, I have done Zet.
All these drugs that numb the pain. I fought this case for a whole year. Fast forward, I am in jail fighting the conspiracy, and luckily enough, about a week before trial, they come with plea agreements. There are eleven of us, Julia. Nine men, two women. Ten of us take deals. Some take higher deals. One of my friends took fifteen years with 85%. He did thirteen years. I took eight years with half. The ladies got off on probation. One of our friends said, “Man, I do not trust the system. I can beat it.” He fought the case. After another year of fighting his case, he ended up getting 117 years of life. Up until that point, I expected all that because I committed to that.
I just wanted to add, when you talk about the one gentleman that tried to fight it and got a hundred years, I have heard statistics that 90% are plea deals. I know when my brother went to court, he tried to fight it, and he got life, and they did offer him a deal. It is just difficult to make that decision. I am sure that was a difficult decision for you to take, even after eight years.
It was very difficult. It was extremely difficult because I had just left the penitentiary before I, remember I came out on the day before Thanksgiving, and I was in the penitentiary, Ironwood State Prison, 2004. There was an older gentleman whom I met while I was there. He was in his 50s at the time. I am in my 20s, and I am walking the yard with him. He was from Oakland, the Bay Area.
I asked him, “How much time do you have?” He said, “I ended up getting seven years to life.” I said, “What?” He said, “Yeah, I got convicted back in the seventies.” This was 2004. What that told me was that when you get a life sentence, you are never coming back home in those days, especially in California. That scared me. When I was fighting this case, I was willing to take whatever deal. Initially, they said, “Take ten years, Jonas, with 85%.”
I was about to sign it when I was going to court with my buddies. They talked me out of it. I am glad they did. They are like, “We are going to go to trial.” Although I did not want to go to trial, I agreed. I took that. It was very hard. It was even harder to see my friend get all that time because we were like, “Bro, just take the 15 years.” People told him, “Just take the 15.” He had his reasons why he did not, and I understand him. Now he is still incarcerated. It is 2026.
I just have to go back and think about your mom. Working with families, how did you tell her? Did you have communication with her at that time?
To be honest, that time was so blurry because I was so angry. I did not talk to her. I did not have a phone number. I said, “Do not write her.” She had just moved. My mom and dad got a divorce at that time, got a divorce and she was living with her new husband. I did not have any communication. I do not know if my dad told her or if my younger brother told her. I would not know because there was no communication, and that hurt.
If you say you love, playing the blame game. I was really good at it back then. The blame game says, “If you are my mom, you are supposed to always love me and do whatever for me.” Now that she was not doing it, I was angry for a long period of time after that. I may not have shown it all the time, but I was holding secret revenge against my mom. That really hurt.
That is hard for everybody.
I did not know that then, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, all the way up until I started to change my life. I did not understand the impact of my being incarcerated, what it does to my mom, my dad, and my brother. My brother ended up going to prison right behind me. With me leading the way, I did not understand the ripple effect of what my choices could do to everybody else.
You will not always understand what the ripple effect of your choices could do to everybody else. Share on XUndergoing Self-Transformation And Writing Bangin’
Where is the changing point where you are incarcerated, you have this anger, you are serving your time, and then there is some point where you just start thinking differently? How did that happen and when?
It was not until 2018. I moved away from San Diego. Finally, the buddy of mine who took the fifteen years ended up getting out and had a big party at my house for New Year’s Eve. He comes and has a big party. I do not remember much because I was a functional blackout artist when I used to drink. You would think I am there. I look normal, I act normal, but I do not remember much. It is very bits and pieces. That happened often. The next day I asked him, “Man, how was your time?”
He was like, “Threw this party for you.” He said, “Man, it was a great time. However, you were able to not just me, but to your wife, to your kids, to all our friends.” I am like, “What?” He said, “Our friends told me this is how you act when you get drunk.” Maybe it was. I still have not really figured out why, but when he told me that, I got so upset. The same guys I was willing to die for, I put my life on the line for, as soon as my buddy gets out because he was only out a year, this is what you are saying behind my back?
He kept talking, and it sounded like Charlie Brown, like “Wah, wah.” I am not even really listening any longer. I vowed to myself at that moment, “No one is going to make fun of me anymore. No one is going to talk behind my back. I am going to be the coolest square.” I said, “I am going to still have my swag. I am still going to be me, but I am going to be a sober square. I am going to show everybody that something is going to change.” That was when it was like, “What does that mean?”
I took a deep dive, and I realized that 90% of my problems came from drinking. I did not get in fights unless I was drunk. I did not do all these things. If I did not have alcohol, I did not do any other drugs unless alcohol was in my system first. I said, “If 90% of my bad decisions came from alcohol, if I take it out, maybe 90% of my life gets better.” Let me just try it. When I was in prison or locked up in the county jail, I never drank. I am like, “Am I really an addict or am I just posing as an addict? What am I doing?”
I said, “If I can do it in there, then I’ve got to be able to do it out here.” That became the premise, and it was just. Get sober, get a job, try to figure something out. As I am getting healthy, I was overweight, 45 pounds, and had high blood pressure at the time. I started working out, and then I remember walking on a treadmill. I was listening to ET, the hip-hop preacher, and he had said some things. I am listening to this motivation, and then I hear this voice.
I hear spirit talk to me and it says, “If you write the book, you will eventually talk to people who live their life similar to you.” I felt this much. “God, what is that?” I did not go to college. I went to community college just so I could get the money to hustle. To be honest, I did not go to learn. “God, I cannot do this. I do not know how to write a book.” He showed me a picture in my mind of me writing letters when I was in prison. He said, “If you can write a letter, you can write a book.” I was like, “Let us figure this out.”
That is how the journey began. I am going to write about my life fictionally, loosely based on my life. Growing up, I did not read much. I only read when I got to prison, and the books that excited me were books that were similar to my life. The genre was called urban fiction. Reading like Iceberg Slim books or Donald Goines or Mario Puzo with The Godfather and all those omertas. I said, “I am going to write something like that.” I am like Boyz N the Hood, but in a book. Let me write that in a book.
If I could write this book, it would do a couple of things. One, for me, when I read books, when I finally started reading, when I was locked up, it was like an escape. I was no longer in that cell. I am somewhere in New Orleans, wherever this book is taking place, New York. I said, “If I can just at least give my friends that I know. That was the whole thing.” Just the people that I know, I could write about San Diego when you are homesick, and you are somewhere way up in San Quentin, or you are far away, and no one is visiting you.
You just have a book about a fictional book that is going to be some entertainment. Let us do that. Listen to what God told me, “This will be my Trojan horse.” One, when I go talk to people in prison, and now I can say, “Have you read my book?” That gets me in there. Now we can talk about how to change our lives. How do we stop drinking? How do we stop blaming the world for our mistakes and take radical responsibility for our lives? We can now change the outcomes of our lives.
That book was published in ‘21. What a great idea. When you live through something, you can either move on or you can do something about it. You can help other people. As you said earlier, you just wanted to help other people who were going through what you have been through, so they know. That is what I did too, with Prison Hidden Sentence coming from the family side. Tell me the name of the book and just highlight what it is about.
The first book is called Bangin’, like gang banging without the G at the end. I had to have it all. Bangin’ The Making Of A Y.G.,” which is a young gangster. That book is told from four different points of view. The protagonist, DeShawn, moves from the good side of town to the hood, and wants to be accepted, wanting to have that acceptance in this new neighborhood.
He finds a group of friends, and it shows his life in a matter of a summer, what he is willing to sacrifice just for his friends. He ends up joining the gang. What does that look like as he is fighting for his life, trying to avenge his friends’ lives? You have different characters telling from their perspectives on how they are meeting all in one spot. It is quite unique. In 2022, it won the best book at the Los Angeles Book Festival for best overall book out of 1,500 entries.
Congratulations. I just imagine that must have helped you process a lot of what you have been through to move on to what you are doing now. The journey, it is not like you wrote that book and now you are here.
It took me 44 months to write that book. Forty-four months, one hour a day. I did not know that it was going to be therapeutic. By putting my life loosely, at least the emotions in DeShawn are like my emotions. His thought patterns were mine. However, it is a fictional tale through and through. As you said, I did not know it was going to be that therapeutic. The book was going to be a three-part series.
However, after I got everything out, it was like a cleansing, and it almost felt like I did not need to share the story anymore. It was something so spiritual. I did not even know what it was. It was so much weight lifted off my shoulders and my back. I said, “I can finally breathe.” The elephant on my chest was no longer there. When I won the awards, it was finally validation that I can have an idea. I can trust in myself and believe that something could come from me. I am whole by myself.
You matter, which was not a thought you had earlier in life.
At 42, though. Think about that. 42 years old, I finally feel like I matter, that I am enough.
Let me ask you something, and then we will talk about how, when you were younger, you did not feel the love, even though you had parents, and that you did not think that you mattered, and then you got this external family that you moved into, which brought you to where you are. We all experience things and learn from them, which you did and have. Without having a lengthy conversation, what do you think could have helped you at that time?
To feel loved?
To feel like you loved and you mattered.
To know that I had a safe space to ask my parents questions. There was not a lot of communication in my house. My parents did not communicate with their family. We did not really have long talks. For me, being afraid or not knowing how to have a conversation to ask, “Mom, why?” It took me 37 years. I just asked my mom two years ago why she did not allow me to see her family.
Can you share that with us?
Some stuff happened to my mom growing up. She did not want us around those people. She wanted to move far away from them.
That makes sense.
It does. At 42, I asked that question. I wish I had had the vernacular, the courage, the bravery, the understanding of how to communicate in a family to ask that question at twelve. I might not be here, but everything happens for a reason.
Delving Into Personal Leadership And Nurturing Positive Habits
You just helped somebody who is tuning in that has been holding something in, no matter how old they are, to communicate and ask that question. Thank you for sharing that. It is big. It was just little things that we do not realize when we are young. You do the best you can with what you know at the time. Let us go back to after Bangin’. You won this great award, this acknowledgment, you cleansed and feel so much better now about yourself. What was next?
As I am writing Bangin’, I started to understand some things. I started to dive really deep into personal development. I remember while I am writing Bangin’ and I am getting my health together, these quotes from people would always inspire me. They would stick to me. While I was writing Bangin’, I would be on my treadmill, and I would hear a quote from somebody. I had a yellow Post-it, and I would write these quotes on a Post-it.
Who was that by? I will stick it on my garage wall. What I learned was what I was starting to do with certain of these quotes. Sometimes it would take a while. I would have one quote on the wall that stood there for maybe two or three months, but I started to use those quotes when I would be having bad thinking habits. Like procrastination. I used to always call myself a master procrastinator before I sobered up. I said, “If I am going to write this book, I cannot be a procrastinator.” I heard this quote by somebody, but I changed it.
I changed it to this. “Move from tomorrow into right now.” Quit telling myself, “I will do it tomorrow.” Just do it right now. Every time I would feel that procrastination coming, I would now say that to myself. That was my springboard to get in action. What I learned as I was doing these things and putting all these quotes up was that I was really interrupting the habit loop of thinking. I started to dive into that when things trigger you, you do something in a traditional way, and then you get a reward, which I would call a treat.
It is the T-T-T method. You get a trigger, something triggers you, you do the traditional thing without thinking about it, and then you get a treat, you get a reward. You are like, “Ha ha ha.” I started to interrupt that trigger to tradition with these quotes. Now I am building new habits. I ended up having about 30 quotes on the wall. I said, “I am going to write a book called Quotes Off the Wall.'” I meant to say “Quotes on the Wall,” but I said “Quotes Off The Wall: 31 Days to Break Bad Thinking Habits and Embrace Positivity.”
First day sales became an Amazon bestseller. That is really just like a daily devotional. There is a quote in that book and a story, so now you can understand the quote. I share what I used that quote for, like for procrastination or for self-love, and how certain quotes helped me get places. That became my second book. Mantras, quotes, affirmations, really, those are great ways to break bad habits of thinking. I wanted to share with people what has helped me. What helped me when I would get triggered to go drink?
The anger from my wife telling me something back that I did not like would be a trigger for me to say, “I do not want to hear anything you have to say.” I used to run to the liquor store so that I could numb the noise. I can black out and say, “I do not know what happened. I cannot now be responsible.” I wanted to share with people, like, “If you are looking to break some kind of habits, maybe these quotes can help you, and these stories can help you as well.” That became my second book.
That is something that I have used to change negative thoughts in my head. It is wonderful that you have been able to put that together, that it has helped you, but also helped so many people out there. It does work. I think that is really important because I know that it helped me, so I can personally attest to that. You have mentioned your wife several times. Has she been on this whole journey with you? You have been through a lot, where drinking and not drinking, and having children and supporting your family, and they are supporting you. How are things going there? We will talk about The Cheat Code: How You Complete Probation and Parole Successfully.
She has been there through thick and thin. We met back in 2000. I got out of jail. The judge told me I had to go to college. Remember, I told you I went to a community college, and the only reason I was going was so I could get out of jail earlier. I met her there. We dated for a long period of time, and then my life did not fit her life. Her parents were like, “Get away from him.” We ended up reconnecting seven years later on a humbug driving down the streets of San Diego as I was released.
I was homeless at the time, and I was going to the shelter. I saw her, and she ran away. She was in a car, and she kept driving. I was like, “Hey,” but she was gone. She did not want any parts of me, but I am changing my life. I thought I was because I was no longer hustling at the time. I had a job, but I really did not change my mentality yet. She has been there through thick and thin. She has seen the ups and the downs. Remember the loyalty to my friends and my neighborhood before her, before the kids? Before all that. I am grateful. She has been a ride or die.
Guiding People Through Probation Through The Cheat Code
That is love. It is so important. You have somebody there who believes in you and supports you. That is just so nice to hear that it is continuing. I want to go into The Cheat Code because this is amazing, what you have put together from the journey that we just spoke about, everything that you have been through, and how each section has moved you to the next. Our last conversation here is going to be about The Cheat Code. Tell me how that started, and tell us about it because it is amazing.
The Cheat Code was sprung. I was working at a nonprofit organization at the time. I started as a mentor and ended up moving up to a program manager there. While I was a mentor, we were helping a lot of people coming home at the time. I am at home re-entering society.
You were working with people who were formerly incarcerated. You can relate to them. You’ve been there. You’ve been with them to reestablish themselves in society.
We really want out. I understood how, for me, changing my mindset was such a key component. Changing my identity was such a key component in my transformation. I wanted to share that with others. I reached out to an individual, Arman. That is my co-author. I reached out to him because I was looking to get someone that he knew. I did not want to write anymore, Julia. Writing books before AI takes a while.
I was like, “I was fed up. I wanted to do an anthology.” I wanted to do a book. A friend of mine named Lester Young prompted this. He said, “Jonas, you completed probation and parole successfully.” I said, “I violated once or twice.” He said, “Have you been back since you got off?” I said, “I have not.” He said, “Why do you not write a book helping people, sharing with people how you got off of probation and parole?”
I did not receive it at the moment. He gave that to me in 2022. This book does not come out until 2024, but I did not want to write it. I asked Arman. Arman said, “I want to do it for children.” I am like, “Whatever. Please give me whoever I was asking for at the time.” What he ended up doing within a week or a month was I got an email from him saying, “All my chapters are done. My part of the book is done.” He already completed it. He said, “It is your turn.” I was ready.
This is Arman King.
That is how the book started. I was still wrestling with the idea of doing the book. Do I do it with him? Do I not do it? Do I want to write? This is going to be challenging. I am over it. It took me about two more months. I finally was like, “You know what? Let us do it.” It took me about another month. That book is helping people wanting to get their mind together, having conversations that are really needed in a language that is digestible for the person reading it. It is not over-talking to the person.
It is not the big language of emotional intelligence, which is all woven into it. It is all incorporated into the book, but it does not say, “This is emotional intelligence.” I have been doing it long enough on myself and now share it with others. We were able to subtly put it in so it does not seem like it. It has a lot of leadership development, character development, and cognitive behavior theory. Understanding that our mind, our thoughts, turn into feelings and emotions, which then turn into behaviors and actions.
We get a result. How do I weave that in through storytelling and having someone see it within themselves that their thoughts can really dictate their outcomes? We also have different worksheets in the back of that book. We said, “We want to be able to be that mentor box for the participant or someone coming home.” It just started to expand. We said this guide is great, but how can we help more? Let us get a workbook. How do we help with the workbook? We cannot be everywhere. We cannot be in New York, Rhode Island, or Pennsylvania.
We cannot be all these places. Let us create a facilitator guide so that we can train the trainer. That way, we can help people start with their pre-release with individuals and organizations that are going in. Let us equip them with this so that they can help an individual as they are returning to society, and start the journey without feeling as if they are by themselves.
It is so important because we talk about families. We talk about how important it is to work with our loved ones while they are incarcerated to think about the future, to use that time to change, and to plan. It looks like The Cheat Code is something that can be used while they are incarcerated to prepare them for reentry.
Once somebody is released from prison, they have been through things their family has not. Their family has been through things that they do not understand. Really, by having the right mindset, communication is key. Having that plan will really help them be successful and make a better reunification with their family.
I think The Cheat Code, what you have so far, and what you have planned for the future, and talking to employers, HR leaders, and workforce developers, really helps the person who has been incarcerated. It is that ripple effect. You are also helping the families and our communities. In essence, what everybody wants is safer communities. What you are doing is just really helping everybody. I just have to ask you, how did you come up with the name, The Cheat Code? The first time I saw it, I was like, “What does this mean?” I am sure there is a good reason.
We had some other regular name, and it was like, “Ah.” Knowing the culture of being a hustler or being in these streets, being criminally involved, for the most part, everybody wants to cheat on something. Give me the cheat way, the cheat code to losing 20 pounds. Give me the cheat code to getting my credit score up. We said that the name is going to catch our audience.
If it just said, “Helping you complete probation and parole. These are the seven steps,” it would not be as catchy. We understand that people want the inside track on how they can complete some things and make it sound simple. No one wants to do the hard work. However, there is hard work in there, but that is how The Cheat Code came up. It was digestible for everybody. It is a great conversation starter. People say, “Jonas, so what is The Cheat Code? What is that about?” Now we can have a conversation.
The Positive Impact Of Communication And Patience
That is really smart. It makes a lot of sense. Looking at everything that you have done, this journey that you have been on, and where you are, how is your communication, or how is your relationship now with your family, with your wife, with your children? Do you have communication with your parents? Are they still around, or anybody else, and your outside family? Let us do that one first, and then two more questions, and then we will wrap up.
Communication has gotten a lot better, but it had to start with me first. I had to learn to communicate with myself and understand that I do not point the finger at everybody. Just because someone does not call you does not mean they do not love you. I had to learn to be happy and love on me first. That communication with self first allowed me to now communicate with others because now I am not listening to just respond or to share.
I am literally now communicating so that I can hear the person on the other side. It is not just about getting my point across, but it took me loving myself. It has gotten better. Is it perfect? No, nothing is perfect. Do I wish I had talked to my dad more? Yes, I do. We may talk once every three months. It is better than once every twelve months. My mom and I have grown our relationship, which is great. With my wife, it has gotten a lot better because this is the continual work of self. There are moments when I know I am about to have a conversation with my wife or I am going to hang out with her for the day.
The conversation with oneself is this. “Jonas, today is not about you. Today is not about you. It is about listening to her. It does not matter.” Sometimes, that is a habit loop because maybe I want to say something. Sometimes it is just about how to be in this space and allow someone else. How do I allow someone else so we can have this communication? It has gotten a lot better, but I strive to get better every day.
I love it. It just makes me wonder where you are now that you can help a lot of people. You can communicate. Your family can speak to you. For our family members out there that are tuning in, when you are not at this place before you had this realization, before you were able to start loving yourself, is there anything that anybody in your family, your wife, or anybody could have provided to you or that they could have done for their health because they cannot get through to you?
Just be patient. I know it is a sad thing.
It is helpful.
You have got to be patient. Sometimes the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink it.” What I have learned now, being with my wife for the last married for fourteen years and been together since 2003 on and off for a long period of time, is that she was patient. She was literally patient. She allowed me to mature into the person that I am today. I wish that some families would not give up on their loved ones too early.
Families should not give up on their loved ones behind bars too early. Share on XHowever, although I was mad at my mom for a long period of time for kicking me out or making me fend for myself, although that was one of the worst pains of my life, it made me stand up as my own man, and she was no longer enabling my bad behavior. It is a very delicate role that needs to be walked there. You can still love somebody and still be patient, but you do not also enable. My wife, although she was patient with me, also did not enable it.
She did not go for it, but she did not say, “You know what? I quit on you.” I am not saying every situation is the same. I cannot make a blanket statement. However, if you have been waiting six years, maybe wait until seven, because if my wife had given up on me years ago, who knows where I would be. She gave me the grace along with the Most High. Now she gets to reap the benefits of me being a changed man. I am grateful that I am able to give that to her, to my kids.
That comes with patience. She told me she used to pray that I would change. I am grateful for that. Because without that, if she had given up on me and I were not around my kids, I do not know where I would be. Who knows where I would be because I would not have stopped drinking. I stopped drinking because I missed my son’s first day of second grade. That was the last time because I vowed to myself that I wanted to be a more present father than my dad.
Although my dad was in the house, he did not come to a lot of my stuff. He never told me he loved me until I was 38 years old. I never heard him say, “I love you,” until I was 38 years old. I wanted to be there. When I missed that and how crappy I felt, how she looked at me, and how he felt, and I was not there. I was striving, but I relapsed a couple of times. My sobriety date is August 13th, 2018, because I started on January 1st, but I relapsed a couple of times. If she had given up, think about it. If she had said, “You know what, babe, I am done.”
To be honest, I have nothing to live for. If it were up to me, I would have stayed in the streets. I would have hustled. I would have continued to keep doing what I was doing. I would have said, “Forget writing this book.” I was eight months into writing the book. I would have quit. I am grateful that she did not quit on me. That helped me not quit on myself. Now my goal is to be the hero of my kids’ lives. I want to be that. I know we talked earlier about superheroes. I did not have one growing up. My parents were not my superheroes, but I want to be the superhero for mine.
Discussion Wrap-up And Closing Words
Just lots of love to your wife for hanging in there, supporting you, and having the patience. We always say in the show that there is always hope and just lots of love for her. How can people get in touch with you? I usually ask people, what can we say to our families? I think you covered it. If anybody who is tuning in is a family member, it is up to each person to do what is right for them. This is just a beautiful example of support and patience. Now they have a beautiful life. I am so happy to hear success stories. This is definitely a success story and a giving back. Jonas, how can people get in touch with you? This will also be in the blog. We will have all that information for you there.
My name is Jonas Royster on all social media platforms, so LinkedIn, Jonas Royster. Jonas likes the Jonas Brothers. Remember the Jonas Brothers. I am the one they do not talk about. Jonas, and then last name is Royster, like oyster with an R in front. You can find me on all social media platforms. My website is my business name, or you can type my name, JonasRoyster.com, or you can hit my business up at www.HoodProverbz.com. I will show you the work that we do across the nation when it comes to helping those individuals re-enter society.
Jonas is also a motivational speaker, as I am sure you have recognized during our talk here. He is also a coach. Thank you, Jonas, for everything you are doing, for giving back, and for spending this time with me and with our audience.
Thank you. It has been a pleasure.
Important Links
- Jonas Royster
- Jonas Royster on Instagram
- Boyz N the Hood
- Bangin’ The Making Of A Y.G.
- Quotes Off The Wall: 31 Days to Break Bad Thinking Habits and Embrace Positivity
- The Cheat Code: How You Complete Probation and Parole Successfully
- Hood Proverbz
- Prison Families Alliance
- Prison: The Hidden Sentence
- Connecting 4 Justice
- Prison: The Hidden Sentence™: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVED ONE IS ARRESTED AND INCARCERATED
About Jonas Royster
Jonas Ulysses Royster is an award-winning and best-selling author, leadership educator, and founder and CEO of Hood Proverbz. His work focuses on self-leadership, personal responsibility, and emotional intelligence, helping individuals take ownership of their lives and create lasting change.
Drawing from his lived experience and personal transformation, Jonas has developed practical frameworks that have impacted thousands of individuals across schools, reentry programs, probation departments, and correctional facilities throughout California and beyond.
He is the co-author of The Cheat Code: Helping You Complete Probation and Parole Successfully and co-creator of its full implementation system, equipping individuals and organizations with tools to navigate reentry and personal growth. He is also the author of Quotes Off the Wall, an Amazon best-selling book on mindset and breaking negative thinking patterns.
Jonas is the co-founder of the Side by Side Reentry Conference and serves as an Executive Board Member for Open Heart Leaders. Through his work, he challenges individuals to move from blame to ownership, grounded in his core belief: we are the cause of the outcomes we experience.
He currently resides in Southern California.
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