How I Found Out My Son Was In Prison
I never thought I’d be a mother with a son in prison. I found out my son was in trouble when I was watching the news. They showed his picture and said he was armed and dangerous; I thought they were going to kill him.
He did find a lawyer and turned himself in. He was held in the County Jail and then sent for classification. It took them three months to classify him and during that time I only got to see him one time. They were very strict and firm about how I was only going to have the one and only one visit. When you visit you need to be prepared for the worst.
Once he was sentenced and moved to his first prison, we visited him almost every week until he was moved. I’d visit my son with my daughter, sister and/or my son’s father. Once he was moved to another location we visited him about once a month and would bring his son to see him. My son would send everything in a letter as he was moved to a new facility letting me know what I could bring and what I could wear. (He was moved to several prisons throughout his sentence.)
In the beginning I was always afraid when I was there that something was going to happen to him or us. I didn’t have any reason other than seeing movies. After he entered the prison system he was moved around the state to different prisons and sometimes it was difficult for me to visit him at the different locations. At one point when he was talking to a girl on the phone she said that he threatened her and they put him in the hole (solitary confinement) for a year. They didn’t listen to his side of the story.
When I visited my son in prison I felt like they treated me like a criminal, too. One time they told me that my pants were the wrong color and they wouldn’t let me in. I’d worn these pants many times and this was the first time anyone said anything about the color. When I asked about it the officer said, “I don’t care, I’m the boss here and if you don’t shut up you won’t come back.” I called the warden many times about the way I was treated.
Advice from a Mother with a Son in Prison
You need to find out what the rules are before you visit your son or loved one in prison because you have to follow the rules. Your loved one should be able to send you the rules and regulations. As soon as they get arrested you need to get the form; tell your loved one to send the form, even if he is in the holding tank. It could take three months to get approved to see your loved one. You cannot visit if you are not approved.
You can also look for the rules and regulations online. Get started on it right away to get pre-authorized.
If a family member has temper he or she should refrain from visiting so they don’t get in trouble.
Shannon says
My 30 year old son has just finished 4 years of a 10 year sentence. Not a moment goes by that I don’t think about him. How his day is. How his mentality is emotionally. I cannot fathom ever, in all my years as a mom, being in this position. I am devastated or overwhelming sad.
Renee says
I am where you are, as the pain is so deep, makes it hard for me to go on, but mine only has me to depend on.so I keep going.
Edna says
Please send me info on how to join this any support group in Maryland
Gail says
My son is getting released on April 26 for the security md time and I am scared he will go back he is killing me
Christy says
My heart is broken my son is currently on bail and will be headed to state prison soon. I cannot fathom this life for him. Neither of us are mentally well because of the trauma of this. How do you mommas cope? Im scared for him.
karen parker says
Hi, I am a mother of a 27 yr old son who is now in federal prison. I am looking for people to communicate with who are in the same situation, just to learn from others, to vent, to listen, to know I am not alone.. do you know of a way to get involved in communicating with others?
Editor says
Karen – You are not alone and we are here for you. I emailed you the calendar for TheFFIP.org for information on support.
Michelle Luna says
I’m a mother tthat going through the worse my son away and it’s been hard for me I need support and help cause his rights being violated as a mother I’m not being heard common wealth state
Gail says
Yes my son is in Federal Prison he gets released on April 26 I am so scared he will mess up again
john.hawkins says
Hi Gail – We who have or had incarcerated loved ones understand the unknowing of what life is going to be like when a loved ones is released. You can prepare and we suggest attending one of the Prison Families Alliance support meetings. You can find the calendar at https://PrisonFamiliesAlliance.org/calendar. The is a meeting for reentry that would be very helpful. Please take care.
Sondra Williams says
My son is also a federal inmate and my organization is looking for parents to join the fight against harsh sentencing.
Michelle says
I want to help. How can i?
john.hawkins says
Hi Sondra. Support is provided through the Prison Families Alliance online support meetings. You can find them here: https://PrisonFamiliesAlliance.org
Rachel Lynch says
I’m in
Teresa Bennett says
My son is in Prison and I feel most days I can’t go on I worry about him all the time.
CinJay says
I am in this position now. And we are all lost and sick. How does life go on!???? He’s my only child.
Sondra Williams says
We gotta keep fighting to put an end to these harsh sentencing guidelines.
Katherine says
I’m very stressed every day it overwhelms my day to day function. I m not eating, not sleeping, my faith in myself as a mother had dwindled, I do have another son, who is close in age, doing well with his life…but I cant help wondering what this lock up is doing for his emotional health, he snapped for minutes, now he has to pay alot of years for his mistakes ..
Brenda says
I am a member. I read a lot of the post I always wonder what state and facility that your son’s for in would it be okay if I asked for everyone to put their state in the facility just wondering if our son’s might be in the same prisons
Editor says
Come to a meeting and meet everyone. Links at http://www.TheFFIP.org
Teresa Bennett says
My son is in Ross Correction in Chillicothe Ohio
Chelsea M says
Hello, I am also a mother of son being held in a prison, it has affected me greatly. I can’t think straight, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m struggling to make it to work all because I can not stop thinking about my son. He has not been sentenced yet so also dealing with thoughts of how long will he get. I would like to speak to other moms of sons in jail. I feel so alone!
Editor says
It feels so helpless, however there is hope. Join us at one of the online support meetings: https://theffip.org/calendar/2021-04/ (this will bring you to the April 2021 calendar).
Teresa says
My youngest son is in federal prison he was sentenced to 15years he has served four .I feel like such a failure as a mom and he is to far from home I haven’t seen him since he was sentenced almost 5years ago .I am just tortured thinking of what may be happening to him.I feel guilty if I have a good day with him being there .How are we supposed to survive this ? Teresa
john.hawkins says
Teresa – We who have or had incarcerated loved ones understand how difficult it can be and you are not alone. It hurts when our loved one is behind bars – we can care for them, love them, support them, however we are not responsible for them. As a mom you did everything you knew at the time so you were and are a good mom. You have every right to give yourself permission to enjoy your life. Talk to others at the Prison Families Alliance support meetings. You can find the calendar at https://PrisonFamiliesAlliance.org/calendar.
Cynthia Stoney says
My son is in prison. He will be getting out in a few days or weeks. He will live with my brother but I will still be part of the situation. We have never had immediate family in prison. Someone please help me deal with this.
Editor says
Having your loved one come home can be exciting and scary at the same time because he’s not the same person that he was when he was incarcerated. I understand your situation and am attaching a flyer of peer support meetings with people who understand. The Prison Families Alliance went online to support people across the US that are having the same experiences and nobody to talk to. The meetings provide support, understanding and information. I’d suggest attending any of the meetings, no matter what the title however there is a meeting for re-entry to talk about situations like yours. The facilitators all have had or have a loved one in the prison system and the people that attend are compassionate, non-judgmental and people just like you. https://PrisonFamiliesAlliance.org/Calendar
Maggie says
I’m crying as I am writing this reading all these mom’s stories I too g
Have a son in prison he got attacked so many times he’s in a hospital fighting his pain and I hope god he doesn’t suffer from a long brain I injure I just want to die n not go another day not knowing what will happen I’m heart broken
Thelma Jones says
Hello, my son is 31 years old and has been incarcerated for the last almost six years. He has been sentenced to 40 years. He did not murder anyone or even hurt anyone. I am so depressed and some days find it so hard to go on. The only one that is keeping me with the little sanity that I have is my 29 year old son. I try to hide the hurt from him because I know he is hurting too. I have always felt that my youngest son has always carried the pain of this family. I’m trying to find a support group that we could carry each other thru.
Cassie says
I have a son in prison, I have had many days of tears and wondering where I went wrong. I have other children. They have stopped communicating with me as much or at all or wanting to be around me because I try to stay in contact with their brother in prison. I know they are victims of his behaviors, I have deep compassion and love for them. But I can’t cut their brother out of my heart. I have a very fine line I walk . My husband does not talk with him, he is angry at him for having committed these crimes on his watch. I am very alone in this.
john.hawkins says
Cassie – We who have or had incarcerated loved ones understand how difficult it can be and you are not alone. We suggest attending one of the Prison Families Alliance support meetings. You can find the calendar at https://PrisonFamiliesAlliance.org/calendar.
Sondra Williams says
Good morning…..
The mission of Collaborative Justice Project is to raise awareness of sentencing disparity through communication outlets.
Our vision is to bring Justice to those who are serving a harsh and extreme sentence for a nonviolent crime.
We are dedicated to providing re-entry assistance to formerly incarcerated people, helping them in becoming productive and responsible citizens.
April says
Hello,
I am a mother of a 27 year old who is out on bail. But, he will be sent to prison in September. My son has never been in trouble and this is heart breaking for me. I am looking support group in Florida if possible.