Incarceration may have ended, but the journey is far from over. In this powerful episode, we continue the story of Jane—now joined by her son, Anthony, who has recently come home after years in prison. Together, they share what life has been like since his release, offering an honest look at the emotional, relational, and practical challenges of reentry. From rebuilding trust to finding a new normal, their journey sheds light on what families truly face after incarceration ends. Whether you have a loved one coming home or want to better understand the realities of life after prison, this conversation is one you won’t want to miss.
(Season 5 intro courtesy of Matt Duhamel. Music by Halim Aly-hassan and Matt Bowman)
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Listen to the podcast here
Coming Home: A Mother And Son’s Story Of Life After Incarceration (Part 2)
Welcome to Prison: The Hidden Sentence, where we raise awareness one story at a time. I’m your host, Julia Lazareck, advocate, author, and fellow traveler on this path. I’m the author of the Prison: The Hidden Sentence™: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVED ONE IS ARRESTED AND INCARCERATED, which can be purchased on Amazon. We’re going to hear what really happens after the prison gates open, what reentry looks like, feels like, and how it impacts both the person coming home and the family waiting.
We previously spoke to Jane when her son was incarcerated and heard how her world changed the moment he was arrested. Welcome back to part two of Jane’s story, but this time she’s not alone. Jane is joined by her son Anthony, who is now home from prison. Together, they’re opening up about what life has been like since his release, the challenges they faced, the adjustments they have made, and the healing they are still working through.
This is a raw, honest conversation about reentry, rebuilding trust, navigating freedom, and redefining what it means to be a family after incarceration. Whether you have a loved one coming home or want to better understand what it looks like, their story offers valuable insights, hope, and a reminder that healing takes time and love.
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Jane and Anthony, thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me and to share what’s happening from your perspective and what you’ve been through.
Thanks for having us.
Thank you so much, Julia.
The Shock Of Arrest And Incarceration
I’m so excited that you’re here. Now that Anthony is home, there’s a lot to talk about. However, could we start at the beginning? We’ve already heard from Jane about how it impacted her life. Could we start with you, Anthony, to tell us from the beginning about the first arrest?
Being arrested was very scary. My nerves were, I don’t even know how to describe it, but I was nervous. I was at work, and I was stopped originally by someone who, at the time, I knew was an FBI agent. He just started questioning me. I answered his questions, and I didn’t know what to say except for like, “Yeah, that’s me.” He asked my name and I said, “Yeah, that’s me.” He started talking to me. About maybe a minute or two minutes later, about two or three unmarked SUVs come pulling into the parking lot. It felt like I was living in a movie or a TV show. It was scary. I was handcuffed. When they handcuffed me, I said, “Am I under arrest?” They never answered me. I kept asking, “Am I under arrest?” Except for confirming my name, they hadn’t said, “You’re under arrest.”
They took you into one of the SUVs. What happened?
I was put into the back of one of the SUVs. One of the undercover sheriff’s deputies got in the backseat next to me, started pretty much pushing and pushing for me to speak, questioning me, and interrogating me. He started by trying to talk to me. He noticed that I like cars. I had pictures of fancy cars, and he saw that. He used that to interrogate me and push me to talk.
Interesting. That starts with something of interest, getting to know you, and then getting you to put down your guard. After they questioned you, did they bring you to the station?
Yes. They brought me to the sheriff. They brought me into a sallyport, opened the door, escorted me out, and took me into the county jail, where they started the process of booking me. That’s after I had already spent an hour and a half, two hours, if not maybe a little more, sitting in the back of an SUV before we even left. From the time we left where I was to the time we got there, it was probably about three hours by the time we were walking into the county jail. It felt longer, but in the grand scheme, it wasn’t that long, but it was a long enough time that my nerves were getting the best of me. My anxiety was high. My stress was high. Without doing anything rash, I was freaking out.
I would think that it would be difficult for anybody. I appreciate you sharing. I know sometimes that can trigger things when you think back. I know there are a lot of things that we talk about when we put ourselves back in that situation. I appreciate you sharing. Now you’re arrested. Did they give you a call, or did they put you in a cell?
They put me in a holding cell. I had a wristband that had my inmate ID number, my lovely mugshot, my birth date, and my name, a way for them to identify who I was. They kept me in a holding cell. It felt like days. By the time I was walking out the door, it was 1:30 AM.
Jane, how did you find out that he was incarcerated? He was in that room. He had a phone. Did he call you, or did you get a call from somebody else?
What happened was that my husband and I were home. Five police officers showed up at our house and wanted to search our house, and they had a search warrant. Our son was at his job, and they came in and ripped parts of the house apart. I said, “Where is our son?” They said, “We cannot tell you. He’s been apprehended.” I think that is what they said. They wouldn’t even tell us where he was. They gave us a card for someone that they said we could call at the sheriff’s office. When we called, they wouldn’t tell us anything. I think I told you this story, but I called my best friend, who’s a lawyer, thankfully. I was so hysterical. She couldn’t even understand me. She put us in touch with a lawyer, and the lawyer found out where he was.
Anthony was in the cell, and he was being released, and you found out. What was it like then, Anthony, when they finally released you? What happened? Now you see your mom. Did you guys go home, or what was that like?
They picked me up.
Did they just let you out and say, “You’re released?”
They walked me out to the front door in my shorts and what I had been wearing, because I was just in the holding cell, so I wasn’t given jail clothes. I walked out, and they picked me up. We went home, but I remember sleeping on the couch in their bedroom because my bedroom was non-livable at the time. The following morning, we drove down to my lawyer’s office and went over everything. He said, “We got court on this date, that date,” and told us when to be there. We went from there.
Navigating The Courtroom: A Tense Journey
What was it like that day in court?
To put on real running shoes, real clothes — not just real clothes, but my own clothes — was awesome. Share on XStressful, nerve-racking. I think my anxiety was high. Jane’s anxiety was high, and I think also the whole family’s anxiety. It was a very tense day. As a whole, most of the day, you have to wait for your case to be called, and your lawyer goes in first, then they bring you in. It was a full day of just sitting, waiting, and listening to the DA, to the judge, to my lawyer. That was just one of the court dates. It was an arraignment. It was the first court date. It was just to set another court date and to go and to discuss what the next steps were going to be and when that court date would be. The judge said, “I see you’ve been released on bail. Bail stands at such and such amount. We’ll re-adjourn on such and such a date.”
That’s important for anybody who’s tuning in. It’s not like one and done all the time. The waiting is so stressful because you don’t know what’s going to happen next. You had your arraignment, and then you went back again for another hearing, which felt like an arraignment. You went back again, which could have been like months in between. You’re on pins and needles. I don’t mean to put words in your mouth. I’m thinking of my experience with my brother, of all the unknowing and thinking of what could happen, and trying to stay calm and take care of myself. I just have to take a breath.
I wanted to add that this went on for many months. It ended up where we were able to get approval for Anthony to go to a place that was run by the Department of Corrections in another state that qualified as treatment. We had to come up with the money for that. The cost of it was like buying a new house. He left and went away with all his stuff. My husband and I took him and left him there, not knowing when we would see him again, or what would happen. You characterized it exactly right. It’s waiting, being on pins and needles, being terrified about what’s going to happen, having no control, and hemorrhaging any savings you ever had for retirement or life. Finally, after almost a year, I ended up back in court for the day, where the judge would decide, “Now what?”
What was the decision?
She said, “I don’t see jail as being an appropriate sentence. With that being said, I also don’t see prison as an appropriate sentence. What I do see as an appropriate sentence is two years’ probation and house arrest for three months.” That is thanks to my lawyer, who argued and argued and pushed to say, “Let Anthony do house arrest and then also this program in another state.” We get to that. When she said, “I don’t see jail or prison as being the right sentence,” I remember looking back at my family, looking at my lawyer, and thinking to myself, “Is this happening? Am I getting almost what I would call the deal of a lifetime or very lucky?” I was very lucky.
The Probation Violation: A Terrifying Knock
We heard from your mom a lot about how that happened. It’s so great to hear where you are coming from, and how grateful you are, and how lucky you feel because it’s family. Your family was behind you, and they supported you, and you got a good attorney. That brings us up to the second part, where you are now on probation. I think what a lot of people don’t know, your mom spoke about it in the last episode. That is that when you’re on probation and you miss an appointment, that gives them the right to re-arrest you. Let’s talk about that for a minute, and then we’ll talk about coming home. When you missed the appointment, how did they notify you? What were the next steps?
They didn’t notify me. I missed the appointment a little under about less than a month. I’m home from work and I’m getting ready for bed, and I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I look, and it’s the Sheriff’s Department, about 3 or 4 guys, full bulletproof vests, and full uniform, yelling, “Open up. Open up.” I was scared. I was like, “What’s going on?” I had no idea why they were there because I know they can come at any time while I’m on probation to search.
That’s why I thought they were there, but they’re not just there to search. They were making their presence known, so our neighbors probably heard their banging on the door and their yelling. That was probably unsettling for them and very nerve-racking, and gave me a knot in my stomach, like, “Shoot. What?” Of course, I had to open the door because I wasn’t about to have them break it down, and they did have a warrant.
This time, they took you in, and you went to court. Because you broke probation, you were incarcerated. Is that correct?
Yes. This time around. I was booked in for a probation violation for not showing up to one of my monthly meetings. They booked me in, gave me a wristband again, and ended up taking the clothes I was wearing, pajama pants, and a giant sweatshirt with a T-shirt, and they took me to the same place. They brought me down the stairs of my house. One of the guys has this look on his face like I am scum. He had a very disappointed, disgusted look on his face at me.
Again, I was put in an undercover unmarked sheriff’s car back to the same location, back to the same routine. This time, I had to get undressed and strip-searched. That is something that I never thought I would ever have to go through. Here I am, butt naked in front of someone I don’t know, someone I’ve never met before. I’m having to essentially bend over and cough so they see that I don’t have anything keister. They gave me jail clothes, an orange jumpsuit almost. I went back to the holding cell until they were ready. They cell in the intake for me.
From Prison To Freedom: The Mother’s Day Release
Anthony, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I cannot even imagine. How long were you incarcerated for?
I was incarcerated in the county for ten months and then spent about a little over a month in state prison in a reception center, and then was released on Mother’s Day 2025.
We could spend the rest of the time talking about what it’s like in jail and what it’s like in prison. However, I’d like to talk about when you were released, what it was like this time, and focus on re-entry because you guys have been through a lot. It hasn’t been very long since you’ve been home. I know there have been a lot of adjustments. What was it like this time when you were released? How did that happen? Did they come and tell you, “We are taking you home today?”
Not exactly. They did not bring me a lei like they do in Hawaii to welcome me. They ended up giving me a paper bag that had my inmate ID number and my name. I think it said “RE,” for release. I walked with other people from other pods or areas of the prison back to the reception area. I got a box of clothes from my mom, which was awesome to put on real running shoes, real clothes, not just real clothes, but my own clothes. I went through medical, and then took us back to a holding cell.
After about 5 or 10 minutes, ten of us went through the process of being released and retaking our photo for our other ID. We then got in the vans and drove to the bus station. I was thinking, “I’ll use the debit card they gave me to add a payphone and call my parents,” and say, “What time would you be getting in?” I’m getting off the van or out of the van, and I hear “Anthony.” I turn, and there are my mom and dad. I almost fell to the ground in happy relief, shock. It was a big surprise.
Jane, how did you feel?
I started crying, and I ran over and got to hug him for the first time in a long time. I felt very happy.
That’s wonderful. I can imagine the joy of seeing each other after going through all of that. Having your parents there, and you get in the car and you drive home, and then what was your first meal? What was the first thing you did? What was that first day like?
The first day was long. We stopped at a Starbucks to get coffee. My first actual coffee, as opposed to instant Folgers, tasted really good. We got a breakfast sandwich, and then we drove the rest of the way home. My sister was home with her husband, and they had made dinner for us, a vegan dinner. It was fabulous. I did eat too much and too fast because I had not eaten real food. My diet consisted of ramen, rice and beans, and that stuff. The only protein I had while in prison was a pouch of mackerel. That was the closest. That was real mackerel, and that was it. It was the protein I had. Other than that, lots of starch. Real food tasted really good.
That’s something that we do talk about. When somebody has been incarcerated and they come home, it’s better to have some bland food and start on some things that they can easily adjust to. I have spoken to some people, and they had some hot food as soon as they got out, and they were fine. However, a lot of people I speak to said that there is an adjustment. At least it’s nice that you had a home-cooked meal. Were you able to sleep that night? What was it like being with your family, and what did you guys talk about? What was it like, so we know?
We're a team and we'll get through this. Share on XIt felt surreal. It was nice to be home. I was able to sleep, but knowing that I had to be up early in the morning to drive back to where my parole was going to start. Before that, I remember hearing people talk about the food thing, like you said, some people like to get McDonald’s, and that wasn’t me. A home-cooked meal was what I was looking forward to. I was able to sleep that night. It was hard, but it was nice. I remember sitting on the bed and feeling a real mattress and a mattress topper. I remember going, “This is what a real bed feels like.” My mom goes, “Is everything okay?” I’m like, “Yes, everything is fine.” It felt relaxing.
Did you sleep with the lights on or the radio on, or were you just fine crawling into your bed?
When I’m in prison, they do have the lights on, but not all of them on. It’s not bright, but they have what I would call the security lights, so they can still see. I’m used to sleeping in my bedroom with the lights off and the door closed. I did the same thing. I turned off the lights, closed my door, got in bed, and hooked up one of my smart speakers and hit on meditation music to help me fall asleep. I think that with all the stress and the whole ball of nerves and emotion, I remember it was pretty easy. It didn’t take me long to pass out and fall asleep.
That’s wonderful. That is good. The next day, you had to go back and meet with your probation officer, and then you got all of your regulations and came home. Did you guys discuss what your requirements were and what your restrictions were? How did that go? Did you sit down together as a family and say, “This is it?” Some people don’t share. I think it’s important. I’m curious how you guys handle that.
We got the whole four pages of rules and regulations, or the things I had to follow, what I was and wasn’t allowed. One of those things was a certain radius I have. I can only go 50 miles. It’s not just Jane and me, but with my dad, my sister, and even her husband. We gave them that list, so we are all on the same page. I’m lucky to have a family behind me. My sister and her husband want to be as supportive as they can, as best as they can. Knowing the regulations, knowing the rules that I have to follow, is helpful for all of us to know, not just me as the parolee, but for my sister, my mom, and my dad, so they know how they can better help me reintegrate into society and work on not ending up back in prison.
You cannot break parole again because then the same thing will happen. You have to be so careful. You’ve been home a month now?
I’ve been home since Mother’s Day.
How have you adjusted? What was easy and what has been challenging?
It’s still a challenge. We have our moments, but the easy thing to get back into was that I did not have a hard time getting my sleep back and getting sleep. It took at least a few days, if not a week, the first week to catch up on sleep because I was so tired. It’s so much what you go through while in prison. You have to be up at a certain time. Most people don’t go to bed until 11:00 or 12:00. There are still some people talking very quietly, but still talking at 1:00 in the morning. You cannot tell people to be quiet. You’re in prison. You have to adjust to that. Being home felt surreal.
It was really wonderful to see my family, be with my mom and sister, and my dad. The day that I got home, before we went to the parole officer’s office, my sister and her husband, with their dog and my two dogs, met us at the end of the street. I wanted to walk from the end of our street home so I could feel the fresh air and see nature, and not have to think, “There’s no chain link fence here and just the freedom.” Yes, I’m not completely free, but I am free in the sense that I’m home.
Adjusting To Life Outside: Challenges & Small Victories
You’ve got some requirements. Your whole family knows about them, you all discussed them, and watched out for each other. How do you spend your days? Have you found work, or do you have hobbies? How are you adjusting to being back in society?
Recovery is a long road, but it can be done. You can do it. Share on XI used the first couple of days. I was supposed to only use it for the first week. It is what I told myself, but in the first couple of weeks, I would do gardening with my mom. I’d water the plants that we would plant. I checked there. We would throw these Chuckit balls for our dogs. We would go for walks and organize my room, empty boxes of clothes, and put them away. I had not just a box of clothes sitting in my bedroom, but I put them away in a closet. I did a little bit of a handyman job and was looking for work. I am about to finish applying for a job at a local grocery store, but that’s difficult being a felon.
It’s challenging. Thanks for sharing all that. I’m glad that you’re keeping yourself busy and you’re doing things outside. Dogs are wonderful. You have your dogs, and you can pet them, throw the ball, and run with them. It’s great that you’re doing all that. We all know that it’s difficult for somebody who has been incarcerated to find a job. For anybody that’s tuning in, people have served their sentence. They serve their sentence. When they come out, they should be able to find a job. I know that’s challenging. Are you looking to get any certifications or attend school? Is there anything that you’re looking forward to? If you could get your perfect job, maybe somebody is tuning in who has that perfect job. I don’t know.
One of the things that I’m looking at is going back to school. I am looking at one of our local community colleges near us. I think they have trade school offerings, and if they don’t, I’m sure I can find something that would be for trade. One of the things I want to do that would be related to my well-being and my mental health is get my little long-haired chihuahua to be a certified service animal, or my own emotional support animal.
I can take him anywhere I go. Maybe not at work, but anywhere else I go, he will go with me because he keeps me calm. He keeps me focused on the task at hand because if I get distracted, he gets bored and starts to whine. I’m looking at finding a job, going back to school. I started a class using Coursera, and I need to go back to that. I was looking at becoming a personal trainer and/or fitness instructor. I got interested in that. Another thing I need to do is to get back into shape.
That all sounds like worthy goals and moving forward. I’m going to ask Jane, then I’ve got some more questions for you before we wrap up, Anthony. What has life been like since Anthony has been home? What has been working, and what are some of the challenges that you can share with us?
It’s a little like I’m on parole, too, with my husband, because the sheriff can show up any time and search our house, and doesn’t have to call ahead. It’s nerve-racking. We worry about Anthony’s future. I think it is very hard to get a job when you’re a felon. Interestingly, the PO gave the advice that you should not tell future employers, you shouldn’t tell the neighbors, you shouldn’t tell anyone.
That would not be my natural decision, but he has been in the business for 30 years, and he was adamant. I don’t know what Anthony is going to do, but there are so many things. There’s a feeling of shame and worrying about who knows, who doesn’t know, and who’s going to find out. What do you say? None of my friends has been through anything like this. I’ve appreciated PFA’s support because I don’t know how I would have made it through the four years without that.
Some of our friends have been reticent to see us. I guess you find out who you’re close to. It’s wonderful having Anthony home. It makes me happy every day, but I also have that feeling of waking up in the morning, and for ten seconds you don’t remember, and then you remember. It is life-changing for the whole family.
Unconditional Love & Support: A Family’s Healing Journey
I agree. It fills my heart that the Prison Families Alliance has been helpful. It’s really important. Nobody should go through this alone. Having that support is so important. Jane, I’m going to start with you. If there’s anything that you could say to Anthony about his coming home, about who he is, what you see him doing, what would you say to him? You could say it to him. He’s next to you.
I would say that I love you with all my heart, and you’ve made some pretty bad decisions, but I think you are truly a wonderful, good, compassionate person who has so much to offer to this world. I’m going to be there behind you, trying to help when I can. I’m trying to learn what’s appropriate about helping too much. I’m working on that.
Just being a mom, wanting to be there and support your son, and having family there, having people support you. That’s so important. Whether it’s Anthony or whether it’s you, Jane, having support and outside support is so important. Anthony, what would you want to say to your mom? She’s been there for you and everything that you’ve been through. What do you want to say to her?
Thank you for being there every step of the way. I know it hasn’t been easy on you and Dad. A lot of heartache and a lot of stress have been put on you and Dad. I’m thankful that I have you, Dad, and the rest of the family behind me. I’m glad that we know who our true family or friends are by those who have stuck by our side or your side through thick and thin, however that saying goes. I thank you. I am sorry for putting you and Dad through this, but we’re a team and we’ll get through this. I believe we can get through this not just on our own, but with the help from outside. Thanks to PFA for being a great organization that I hope I can continue to utilize for help.
Words Of Wisdom For Those Coming Home
I didn’t pay him to say that. I wanted you guys to know I’ve spoken to both of you and how much you guys appreciate each other and love each other, and support each other. It’s so beautiful. That’s why I wanted people to hear your story. I wanted them to hear the next steps, phase two. There are going to be a lot more phases. There’s going to be a lot more work. I want to end by asking you each a question that I usually end with. Jane, what would you say to our families out there who have somebody who’s coming home?
Everything you think it will be, it won’t be. I did so much worrying ahead, and all the things I worried about were not the things that happened. Worrying ahead eats you up. I would tell people to try not to do it. When your kid comes home, he’s still your kid.
Those are good words. Once a mom, always a mom. As we say, it’s what they did, not who they are. You know who they are. You know their heart. You know your son’s heart. You told us about that. The worry is so hard. As Anthony said earlier, and I do this, listen to some meditation music, come to Prison Families Alliance, and find a group in your area. We cannot stop people from worrying.
They’ve got to do what they need to do, but there are techniques that we talk about, like breathing. Breathe in four, hold it for four, breathe out in four, hold it, and do that a few times. That calms your body down. There’s tapping, and there are so many other things you can do. Thank you for sharing that. Anthony, what would you say to somebody who is tuning in that maybe has been previously released, or to a family member who is having their loved one come home?
That’s a great question. Be thankful, be appreciative of the opportunity to be home. Remember that it’s going to be a long road to recovery, but that it can be done. You can do it. You have family, so utilize that family to be there. Take your time getting yourself back into society because it will take time, and there will be road bumps. There will be hardships, but you’ll get through them, and you have your family to be there. I know some people don’t have family, but even if you don’t have your family to welcome you home, there is hope for you to find groups of people that will love you, care about you, welcome you with, hopefully, open arms as friends and just be there for who you are and not for what you did.
What you said was so beautiful because there are people out there, there are caring people, there are compassionate people, and we have to believe that and find them. I thank you both for spending time with me and for sharing your story. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks, Julia.
Important Links
- Prison: The Hidden Sentence™: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR LOVED ONE IS ARRESTED AND INCARCERATED
- Prison Families Alliance
- Prison: The Hidden Sentence
- https://www.connecting4justice.org
About Jane
Jane is a passionate advocate and devoted mother whose life was deeply impacted when her son was incarcerated. Drawing from her personal journey, Jane uses her voice to raise awareness about the challenges families face during incarceration. She is committed to supporting others going through similar experiences by sharing her story of resilience, love, and unwavering strength.
About Anthony
Anthony recently returned home after serving several years in prison. Committed to rebuilding his life, he openly shares the challenges and triumphs of reentry—from reconnecting with family to navigating the practical realities of starting fresh. Anthony is passionate about supporting others facing similar journeys and advocates for greater understanding of life after incarceration.
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