Julia Lazareck is the founder of Prison: The Hidden Sentence and co-founder of Prison Families Alliance along with co-founder Barbara Allan. They are both passionate about supporting anyone who has a loved one in the carceral system and raising awareness about the effects of incarceration on families and communities You can find their must-read books on Amazon, for anyone with children or a loved one in the carceral system.
Drawing from their own journeys, Julia and Barbara share stories, touching on the challenges they’ve encountered and the strategies they’ve employed to cope while having a loved one incarcerated during the holidays. From poignant moments to practical advice, they discuss ways families can honor their absent loved ones and celebrate together, despite the physical distance. Amidst the difficulties, they highlight the power of support groups like Prison Families Alliance (PFA), underscoring the invaluable role such communities play in providing guidance and understanding during these tough moments.
Offering suggestions and ideas for creating meaningful connections during the holidays, they emphasize that inclusion knows no boundaries, showing that love and celebration can transcend physical separation. Tune in to this podcast for insights, encouragement, and practical tips to navigate the holidays when a loved one is incarcerated. Whether it’s your first holiday or you’re looking for new ways to connect, Julia and Barbara’s words will offer solace and inspiration, reminding you that with support and resilience, you can make the holidays special, even with an empty seat at the table.
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Listen to the podcast here
Navigating The Holidays With An Incarcerated Loved One – Live Broadcast Recording 2
We’re so happy that you could join us in this episode. Barbara and I are so excited that you’re here. We’re not very excited about the topic, but we always say that we’re one of the organizations that we’re glad that you’re here. Nobody really wants to belong to it, but we are glad that you’re here. Barbara, thank you for being here too. We have been talking about having this forum to talk to everybody and help everybody during the holidays.
Navigating the holidays when you have a loved one that’s incarcerated is difficult. It can be emotional. There are so many things, so we’re hoping that this session provides information for you to not only help you get through the holidays but also provide good information and hear about how other people are dealing with the holidays.
I’m the Founder of Prison: The Hidden Sentence, which is the show and is also the name of my book that we’ll be talking about in a minute. I am also the Cofounder of Prison Families Alliance, which is a support group, along with Barbara Allen who is the other Cofounder of Prison Families Alliance. We provide support meetings to people across the United States, even internationally, who don’t have anybody to talk to.
We know from our families that the holidays can be especially difficult. I know for myself that my brother was incarcerated before Thanksgiving. That first Thanksgiving was so difficult sitting there at the table, having that empty seat at the table, and nobody talking about it. Maybe this is happening in your family too. We had Thanksgiving. You’re all sitting there and your loved one isn’t there, but nobody’s talking about it because you don’t know how. You don’t know what to say. That’s why we’re doing this.
As we go through the holidays, we can decide how we want to handle the holidays, how we want to talk about it, if we want to talk about it, what we want to say, and how we want to involve our loved ones. There are so many decisions and things that we can do. There are ways to create new traditions and ways that we can make it through the holidays, thrive, and still find joy in the holidays because that’s what it’s all about.
No matter where we are in our lives and no matter what’s going on, there still is joy. We can find that joy and we can thrive, survive, and live our lives. Everybody’s on their own journey, so let’s make our journey a good one. This is a theme that you’ll read through all of our talks and all of our meetings. The healthier that we are, the better that we can support our loved ones. Let’s stay healthy and let’s find ways to enjoy the holidays.
I also wanted to talk about another holiday. It was the first time that I got to visit my brother. He was incarcerated in November and the day that we could go visit him happened to be Valentine’s Day in February. My parents and I went to the prison. We had never been to a prison before. We’ve never been through anything like this. We thought it had to be a solemn occasion that we couldn’t smile, couldn’t laugh, and had to be sad. We were scared. It was difficult.
We processed in. If you visit a prison, there’s a waiting. You go in and hear that door slam and you’re sitting there in the visiting area waiting. Other families were there and they were talking and laughing. We were like, “What’s going on here? This is supposed to be sad.” My brother comes out and we hug him. It was a nice visit. We got to hang out and it was nice.
What happened that day was there was a wedding. Could you imagine a wedding in a prison? We were like, “What’s going on? Why would anybody get married in a prison?” I’ve learned after years of being involved with this that people are people. People fall in love. People who are incarcerated or people who have loved ones who are incarcerated do get married. They’re married before they’re incarcerated. They can get married while they’re incarcerated. They get married after. These are things that we learn because we’re involved in this life.
As Barbara says, it’s like Alice in Wonderland. Nothing is as it seems. We can survive through this. There’s always hope. Barbara and I have gotten through this. My brother was incarcerated for fifteen years. He passed in prison several years ago from Hepatitis C. That’s when I realized that I was living a hidden sentence. The whole time he was incarcerated, I was grieving. I was not living my life. That’s why it’s so important that we come together. It’s so important that everybody lives their life and everybody thrives.
I want to let you guys know about our books. Barbara and I have written books. The Prison: The Hidden Sentence book is everything that I wish I had known when my brother was incarcerated. Barbara’s book, Doing Our Time on the Outside, is her story, which a lot of people who know Barbara have heard. We spoke about it in the last broadcast that we did. These books have great information. They’re helpful. You can get them on Amazon. I wanted to let you know about those books. We’re so happy you’re here. I want to bring Barbara in. Barbara, it’s so good to see you. If you can share some of the stories and things that you’ve learned with the thousands of people that you’ve spoken to over the years because you pretty much started support groups in the ‘60s.
Thank you so much. It’s so good to see you. I’m so glad to be with you. I sometimes say I can be the historian of the criminal justice system. My husband went away a very long time ago in 1966. I had lots of holidays to live through, and we did. Here we are. My husband had psychiatric difficulties. Our problems started even before he went to prison. Nothing happens in the vacuum.
Jean went to prison on December 8th, 1966. It was right before Christmas and right before the Hanukkah holidays. We celebrated both. I had two small children. My focus had to be on my children. I had to make sure that they had a holiday and that I was not depriving them of what they deserved. In many ways, I had to act as if. That’s one thing that has helped me get through not only the holidays but many parts of my life.
I had to act as if things were normal, that I was happy, and that my children were going to have as normal a Christmas as they could. That was my motivation. Over the years. I spoke to many families who had that empty chair at the table. One of the things that helped so many of them was that they had to hang on for themselves, their loved ones, and their children.
I’ll tell you this little anecdote. My daughter was in preschool. She made a paperweight that was a rock that she painted. She wanted to bring that to her father. You don’t bring a rock to a prison. I said that in the last session. It’s something that stayed with me because it’s so indicative of children and their innocence. We try to keep that innocence for them.
Many of the families that I know have been visiting prisons during the holidays and having their Christmas mail through a vending machine. They are acting as if, making the day as pleasant as they possibly can for the person they’re visiting, their children, and themselves. One of the problems that was brought to my attention is that there’s a shortage of staff at holiday time. Our staff at the institutions want their days off also. It makes it a little bit more difficult.
Probably the most difficult part of visiting at any time is when you have to leave your loved one behind. All your feelings that you’re going to feel are normal and natural, and you can get through them. I’m going to stop talking and go on to our guests because they’re living it day by day. With me, it’s something that happened in the past.
The most difficult part of visiting at any time is when you have to leave your loved one behind. Share on XYou always bring such great information in and share. Everything that you’ve heard from other people and everything that you’ve been through has been so helpful to our families. We do have a guest. We will bring her in. Her name is Caroline. She has been gracious enough to join us. She’s joining us from New York. Welcome, Caroline. We’re so happy that you could join us. Feel free to share. We’d love to hear your story and the advice for our families. Thank you.
Thank you, Julia. Thank you, Barbara. It’s such an honor to have been invited to speak with you. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to read both of your books because it has helped me tremendously. My name is Caroline Hansen. I live on Long Island with my two daughters. My husband, Christian, is serving a life without the possibility of parole sentence in an upstate facility here in New York.
The holidays are rough for all of us, for my husband, my girls, and especially myself. As Barbara had mentioned, she had to put her daughters first. When I first started, I wished somebody would’ve told me that it was okay to take care of me first because if I’m not okay, I’m not going to be okay for my daughters and my husband. I’m not going to be a good worker. I’m not going to be a good friend.
A little bit of advice that I could share is to take care of yourself, whether it’s getting your nails done or getting your hair done. Take a walk. Take a five-minute walk on your lunch break. Take that phone call and go outside for five minutes. Get up and stretch. It’s so important. Self-care is the most important thing. I feel that it’s important to know that your loved one’s sentence is not your own.
Barbara’s book, I quote all the time. The families do their time on the outside. Sometimes, I feel that I’m in a prison of my own in some kind of way. We have to learn to heal and try to forgive. I know sometimes I get angry because of the thought of being here alone and having to pay the bills. It’s so important to try to forgive not only for what happened but also forgive myself for feeling these feelings. I have to try to feel what I feel. Know that it’s okay to process your feelings. One minute, I’ll be fine. I’ll be talking fine. The next minute, I’m crying. The next minute, I’m mad. The next minute, I’m happy. It’s so important to feel your feelings and know that it’s okay because you have to heal.
What really helped me and my daughters is to understand that my husband is where he is and he is going to be okay, but that we need to take care of ourselves here. We’re able to send a package a month. I’m like, “I have a few extra dollars. I’ll send him a package.” If not, it’s more important for me to have food on my table than to be sending him commissary money. I know I would feel guilty and ashamed not being able to send him a beautiful package on a holiday, but it is okay to take care of yourself first and make sure that you don’t go without.
I know it’s also very important to have a community around you that supports you. There’s so much stigma around incarceration. When everything first happened, I wouldn’t talk about it. I was so afraid that people were going to judge me. Eventually, I had to learn that the more that I spoke out about it, I gave myself a voice and that the people that matter are not going to judge me.
When I found Prison Families Alliance, it was when I really found myself. It’s so important to be around a community of people who understand what you’re going through, who can support you, who can uplift you, and who can listen. They sit there in silence and listen to you cry. For the past few years, my daughters and I have been working with the local jails and handing out toys to the children who are leaving the visiting room.
When my daughters and I have been on visits with my husband and their father and we have received toys from the facility, it helped the girls so much. Barbara said the hardest part is leaving a visit. It is knowing that the little one has a toy to bring home with you and it reminds them of their loved one that they were visiting that day.
For me, volunteering with the girls was life-changing. It is knowing that you’re keeping busy and doing something good for somebody else, and maybe your story can help them. When I was keeping it to myself and not sharing, the more I started speaking out about it. The more I started sharing, somebody will say, “I can relate to that because this happened to me.”
It’s really important that you give yourself a break and you respect yourself. Take the time you need. Give back when you can and pull back when you can’t. For my girls, even though Barbara had mentioned that rock, we’ll color a piece of paper, make our own holiday cards, and send it to him. We’ll take pictures of us in our goofy Christmas outfits and send them to him. If we can, we’ll go visit. I want everybody to know that you are not alone and that there’s support for every situation there is. In joining our groups, there’s nothing you can’t share here. I really hope to be able to see you all at the next meeting. I’m so grateful to have been here. Thank you for letting me share and speak.
Thank you so much, Caroline. I could relate to so much of what you were saying because I experienced a lot of that with my brother. If I can relate, a lot of people who are reading could relate. It’s so important that we take care of ourselves. We forget that. Having a community is so important, especially in the beginning because there are so many things that we don’t know and information on how to handle the holidays. Volunteering, some people don’t think of that. Getting outside of yourself is really helpful a lot of times.
I want to thank you for sharing and spending time with us. I know Barbara’s out there. Maybe we could bring her in. We appreciate you so much and we’re so glad you’re part of our community. We’re sorry you have to be a part of our community, but we’re happy that you’re here. We appreciate you, all your help, and everything that you’re doing to make life better for yourself, your children, and others.
Thank you for the advocacy work that you do, Caroline. I know that you’re involved in so much advocacy, and that comes with strength. Thank you for all of that.
You’re making a difference. We love you. Thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you so much. Happy holidays.
We’re so fortunate to have guests come in and share their stories. We pretty much told our stories, and you many times than I have, Barbara, but it’s so important.
Sometimes, I think, “Did I say that or did I say that last week or the week before?” I was thinking when you were talking about people getting married in prison, I stood up for two couples at the county jail at different times who got married. This was a long time ago. The people went through their time. Remember, this was the county. The men were going upstate. They went through their time. Both couples are home and reunited and their lives are good. I like to say that to give people hope and know that there can be a happy ending to our stories.
My family and myself, that first time, we were like, “What’s going on?” People who will be reading after the fact, maybe somebody that hasn’t been through this that found us or is reading because they’re in school or going into public service, they understand that we’re human beings. We have feelings. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the outside or the inside. We still need to keep the family together. We’re still human beings and we need to humanize everybody. We do have another guest. John’s going to read it. Go ahead, John.
Thank you, John.
This is Vicky Curtis who said, “I would like to start an in-person support group here in Westminster, Maryland. Could someone please help in getting this started in 2024? I already have a place to meet, but I need the info on how to start the group.”
That’s wonderful. Vicky, you can email Connect@PrisonFamiliesAlliance.org. It will be streaming across. We would be more than happy to work with you on that. We do have meetings where people have met in person because they live in the same areas. Some people that don’t have people in the same area call in. We still provide the support. Vicky, that would be wonderful.
Barbara, let’s go ahead and continue. John is over there trying to see what we can do with Matt because I thought it was really important to do that. What I do have is some other suggestions that people have made that I’ve spoken to in some of the meetings. Something that somebody suggested that I thought was really cool was to create a scrapbook. Their loved one was incarcerated for 12 years and had 6 more years. During the twelve years, what she did was every year, she would make a scrapbook of what was happening that year, what were the kids doing, what were the popular movies, popular songs, and different things that people that are incarcerated might not be aware of. I thought that was very good.
She thought of a scrapbook. She said she started it for 12 years, and then he had 6 years left. It was something for them to look forward to so that when he was released, she would give him this book and he could revisit everything that happened. He would be brought up-to-date not only on what was happening with the family but also on what was happening in the world. What do you think of that?
That’s such a great idea. I wish I had thought of it.
That’s why we’re doing this. People are giving us suggestions and I thought that was one. We’re ready to bring Matt on. Matt, thank you for joining us. We are so happy that you’re here and taking the time to be with us. Looking at it from somebody who’s been incarcerated, what were the holidays like? What are some suggestions that you can make to the families that are reading on how they can survive, thrive, and also support their loved ones? We’ll go to Matt.
I was thinking about this before hopping on. It was very difficult and lonely. You were surrounded by hundreds of people, but it was a lonely feeling, which is strange. It’s strange because before I was arrested and incarcerated, I lived in a different state away from my family. In a weird way, I was used to not being with a lot of family during the holidays or a lot of groups, like friends and family. In a weird way, it almost prepared me.
When I was incarcerated, I really had to think about making it a normal day. I know that’s sad, but any other day. I felt myself wanting to rush through it and get through it. I was like, “I want Thanksgiving to get over with. I want Christmas over with. I want New Year’s over with.” Once January came around, it felt more normal again. It was very helpful though.
I know people reading have loved ones who are incarcerated. You know, I was very lucky to have a supportive family. They communicated with me a lot. They mailed me things. This was back in between late 2007 and early 2012. A lot of things have changed since then. There’s a lot more communication. There are video calls and stuff. Some people have iPads. It’s crazy.
I got mail from my family, which is helpful. It doesn’t have to be anything special. It could be magazines, a quick letter, or anything like that. It could be a picture or two. Phone calls are helpful, but phone calls are hard though. They are helpful to beat that loneliness, but at the same time, you hear people on the phone. You hear your loved one doing things. You hear background noise. It is like, “What’s going on? I want to be there. I’m stuck in prison. I want to be where you’re at.”
Matt, what are some things that might have made it better for you that you could share with the families? You were saying that even though there were a lot of people incarcerated with you, you felt alone. Is there anything that you think your family could have done or maybe as a general suggestion to our audience as to things that might have made it better for you or for their loved ones?
With my family and my personal experience, I don’t think they could have done anything better. I didn’t mention visiting. I know that’s not possible for everybody. You could be five states away from your loved one. I know that’s tough. Anything that my family could have done, I really can’t think of anything. They were extremely helpful and would send me lots of mail. I loved getting that mail. It helped me stay connected in some sort of way.
Any advice for other people reading or families, keep it simple. Any type of communication is helpful. It doesn’t have to be anything huge. It can be a quick email. If you can visit, that’s always helpful to someone incarcerated. Who doesn’t want to see their loved one? Some people don’t. That’s tough. It’s too hard on them. I understand that. Mail, too, is always nice. Those are the things that helped me. That’s the best advice I can give. There is nothing specific, but trying to stay in contact. It’s tough when it’s very long-term. Maybe create a routine of some kind. Send out a letter or something every month or every couple of months. Have them call in, schedule a time, or something like that.
Any type of communication is helpful for your incarcerated loved ones. Share on XThat sounds wonderful, Matt. You brought up communication. That’s so important, especially during the holidays. There are some people who write every day and some people who write every week. Maybe a special letter or card during the holidays is helpful. I really appreciate you sharing and bringing out how important communication is and how important you know the phone calls are. I’m glad that helped you, and I’m glad that you made it through the holidays. There’s always hope. You’ve made it through. You’re thriving and have been out for a while. I appreciate you taking the time and sharing.
Thank you for having me.
We’re glad that you joined and took some time. Not everybody that’s incarcerated needs a lot or wants a lot. Matt is a good example of he did his time and received communication. There were no emails then, but letters as well as phone calls. That’s what he needed. Thank you for sharing. Everybody’s a little different. We have another guest that we’re going to bring in. Thank you so much. We’d like to bring in Jasmine. Jasmine is another family member. I’m so glad you could join us, Jasmine. I’m excited to hear your story and for you to share some of the traditions that you guys have started in your family. Thanks for joining.
Thanks for having me. I can give a little background story and then go into our traditions. I and my husband are in Colorado. We were high school sweethearts. We are shy of thirteen years together, so it’s been a long time together, it feels. He was incarcerated at the end of October 2021, right before the holiday season. The first holiday season was the hardest, especially since it’s that transition period. We didn’t know where he was or where he was going to be moved. We couldn’t visit yet or even talk to him on the phone very much.
We did learn eventually to create these new traditions that we have and also change our mindset eventually, not the first year. This will be our third holiday season where he’s incarcerated. We have learned to change our mindset instead of focusing on how we’re not physically together every day. Instead, this is an opportunity for us to grow and strengthen our relationship in other ways that we otherwise probably wouldn’t have had the opportunity to have.
One of the things we like to do is we’ll write letters to each other. Even though we talk on the phone almost every day, we still write letters to each other. It’s a little more of an intimate setting is one way to say it since someone’s always watching what we say. It’s nice to have our letters. We can go a little bit more in-depth because sometimes, with a 20-minute call every day, how can we really talk about our whole week in 20 minutes?
When we would do video visits, I would show him the house because I do home upgrades. During the holidays specifically, we, every year, would do a video visit. I would put up the Christmas tree and put the ornaments, but we had special ornaments, like him and I for engagements, our dog, and other special ornaments that we like to put on the tree together.
With our video visit, I would have the video propped up so he could see the tree. I’d pick up an ornament and ask him, “Where do you want me to put this one?” He got to be involved in decorating the Christmas tree. We were able to do that in 2022 because the first year, we didn’t have video visits yet. In 2022, we were able to do that. This 2023, we didn’t have video visits because of the system, but we still did it. I had him on the phone. I was telling him, “Picture the tree. The tree is seven feet tall. What distance do you want this ornament at?” He was still involved in decorating the tree. I take a really nice picture of the tree, and sometimes, I’ll put our dog next to the tree. He’ll get that picture so he gets to see the Christmas tree every year.
I still hang his stocking every year as well. I have our stockings up. We try to treat it like he’s always here because he is still here with us. He’s not physically in the house. We realized there are certain desserts that he likes or tolerates the most from his facility. One of them is apple crisp. I learned how to make it. When the family was over for Thanksgiving and Christmas, we’d plan a time for him to call us.
He’d let us know what time and we’d have the apple crisp ready and he would have his apple crisp. We would eat it together so it’s like we’re all having this wonderful holiday dessert together even though we’re doing it over the phone or over the video call. That’s one that is really special as well. We have that little treat. Every time we eat that treat, we think of him.
Also, as a family, in general, which this is a surprise to him because he doesn’t know about it, we have a big box that we’ve dedicated. Anytime we’ve gone on vacation or if we’re at the store, we get something for him. We have this box, and I have everything in there that we’ve collected over the last couple of years that he’s been in there. I have a notebook, so each thing has an explanation of where we got it, who got it, what was it for, and what’s the meaning behind it.
We’re wrapping every single thing so when he gets home, we’re going to present him with this box. He gets to open each individual thing. We’ll read about what it’s about and then we can have these discussions of like, “We went to visit this. We got you this thing or these socks,” or something silly like that. That will be a nice surprise that we’re looking forward to for him. He has no idea we’re doing that. That’s something really special that we get to do as a support system together for him.
One of our last things is we go and visit in person as much as we can. We’re very grateful he’s not too far away and we are able to visit pretty frequently, about every few weeks, maybe once a month if we can, or a little more than that. For the last couple of years, we’ve been able to visit him on New Year’s Day. Our first visit with him ever since he was in there was on New Year’s Day. In 2022, we were able to go. This 2023, we’re also planning. We get to bring in the New Year with him even though it’s not with champagne and at midnight. We still get to go and see him. Those are a lot of the little traditions that we’ve come up with over the last couple of years.
I love the traditions that you guys have started. Most importantly, I’m so glad you came in because when I heard the apple crisp story a while ago, I was like, “Everybody needs to hear that.” There are things that you can do, traditions you can create, and joy that you can bring together even though it’s really difficult.
I love what you said about the decorations. Even though your loved one is not with you, they can be involved in the decorations in your house and what you’re doing. What we spoke about, which I also wanted to bring in, is that if you have children or family members that you’re purchasing gifts for that you’re giving gifts during the holidays, it’s also from your loved one that they’re involved in those decisions. I know for you and your family, your husband is involved in a lot of the decisions. Even though he’s not there physically, you include him in everything. That’s beautiful. I can’t wait to meet him. I’ve met you in person and I can’t wait to meet him. That’s coming up.
Also, the box. We spoke a little earlier about somebody who suggested a scrapbook. This is similar. Having that box, I know that everywhere you go when you guys travel, you’ll buy something for him or something that reminds you of him or that you know he’ll like. These are such great things and great traditions that people can do. If you have a loved one that’s incarcerated, you can create your own traditions. Look at what Jasmine has done. Jasmine, thank you so much for joining us. I appreciate you coming on and sharing with us.
If you have a loved one that's incarcerated, you can create your own traditions. Share on XThanks so much for having me. I hope everyone has happy holidays, as happy as we can make them.
People will be able to read this and know what to do for all the holidays that are coming up. Everyone’s different. You might want to have a box for holidays and have different things or decorations. I love that he’s going to open this up when he comes home. He’s going to get this box and have things to open up. What a great idea. Thank you so much.
Thank you.
We’ll bring Barbara back. I appreciate all of the guests that have been here. Barbara, didn’t they share wonderful information?
They certainly did. I wish I had known about all this when Jean was away. It certainly would’ve helped us get through the holidays and the life. I thought of one other thing that people were speaking or suggesting that other families have shared with me. Both you and your loved one can read a book together, and then when you visit or when you have a phone call, you can talk about your feelings about the book and share. It’s one more thing that can bring you a little bit closer.
That’s a great suggestion. That reminds me of one of our families. They also spoke about TV shows that they would watch and then talk about. One person said that they would mail the transcript of a movie to their loved one. They would watch it and their loved one would have the transcript, and then they would talk about the movie. It’s really interesting if you didn’t see it but only read it because it’s what you envisioned. It would always give them things to talk about and great things that you can do to keep. As Matt said, communication is important, especially when you’re on the inside.
I want to thank everyone for their wonderful contributions. We couldn’t do it without you. You’re so important to us and our community.
It’s what we spoke about last time. There are so many people who are incarcerated. I’m not going to go through the numbers again. You’ll have to listen to the last episode. There are millions of people out there that are affected. We can support each other. Nobody has to go through this alone. Nobody has to go through the holidays alone. You can make your decisions on what works for you, what works for your family, and how you want to keep that communication going.
I found my candy cane, but it broke. I was thinking about how I had my candy cane and it brought me joy. We were talking about how to find things that bring you joy. When I pulled out my candy cane and it was broken, I thought, “Should I throw it away?” I was like, “No. It’s still good. I’m still enjoying it.” It’s like your heart. Your heart breaks when your loved one isn’t there, but you can still have joy. You can still enjoy the holidays. You can enjoy your candy cane even if it’s broken. We wish everybody a really good holiday. Barbara, what are you going to do for the holidays?
I’m going to be with my family. We do celebrate Hanukkah. We do share and have our little chocolate Hanukkah gelt. We enjoy one another. My daughter will be up from Florida for part of the holiday, so we are together. I’m very grateful for all of you.
I agree. For us, we’re going to be with friends. We don’t have a lot of family left, but we will be with our friends. We’re going to some parties. We’re going to dress up for one. We will be with our PFA family. We still have our meetings. People can come to the meetings and we’ll share. Are there any other notes out there?
For the holiday season, we go into our local jails and give out toys to the children who are visiting their loved ones. That is always one of the most joyous things I’ve done over the holidays. We’ve been doing it for a long time and we continue to do it.
That’s really important.
One of the comments that we got in the chat room was from Vicky Curtis who said, “Your candy cane reminds me of the saying that broken crayons still color.”
That’s wonderful. Thank you, Vicky. There are so many sayings out there. I did have another one that somebody said in our meeting. I wrote it down. It says, “We can’t control the waves, but we can learn to surf them.” I love that saying. With broken crayons or broken candy canes, we could still move forward. With a broken heart, you could still move forward. Broken hearts mend. Everything does get better.
It's never easy, but it does get easier. Share on XMy saying is that it does get easier. It’s never easy but it does get easier. By talking about it, sharing, hearing what other people are doing, and creating new traditions, we will get through this together. I want to thank everybody. Thank you, Barbara. We’ll do this again soon. We’ll pull this out there so people can read it and learn from it. Have a good holiday. Find joy. That’s my saying for this episode. We’re going to find the joy. We’re going to get the joy back. Thank you.
Important Links
- Prison Families Alliance
- Prison: The Hidden Sentence
- Doing Our Time on the Outside
- Connect@PrisonFamiliesAlliance.org
- Navigating the Holidays With An Incarcerated Loved One – Past Episode
About Barbara Allan
Barbara Allan’s life took an unexpected turn in 1966 when her husband’s imprisonment thrust her into a world she had never known. As a devoted schoolteacher, wife, and mother with no prior involvement in the criminal justice system, she grappled with feelings of isolation and confusion. Yet, in her search for solace, she discovered a community of individuals enduring similar pain.
Driven by her own journey, Barbara became a beacon of support by founding Prison Families Anonymous. Over the years, she has touched the lives of thousands, offering guidance and empathy to those navigating the complexities of having a loved one incarcerated. Her profound experiences culminated in the memoir “Doing Our Time on the Outside,” a testament to resilience and the human spirit.
Barbara’s advocacy extended far beyond personal narratives. She has addressed legislators, senate committees, and commissioners, shedding light on the challenges faced by families affected by incarceration. Her impactful writings, including a published piece in the Congressional Record, have amplified the voices of those often unheard.
Barbara co-founded Prison Families Alliance (PFA), an organization that extends its reach across the United States, providing vital support groups for anyone who has a loved one in the carceral system. As a co-founder, she champions a cause close to her heart, recognizing the hidden sentences served by families outside prison walls.
Barbara Allan stands as a compassionate leader and advocate, tirelessly working towards positive change and offering hope to those families outside the bars. Her unwavering dedication continues to pave the way for support and understanding in a challenging landscape.
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